Winter Check List

  • Service- at home, through church, simply helping out where I can
  • Experience England- see castles, drink tea in London, capture moments, shop for xmas gifts, go to shows, family time 
  • Capital Theater Nutcracker with Michelle and fam
  • Build a snowman
  • Snowboard
  • Watch the classics 
  • Ice skate downtown 
  • Warm drinks with friends
  • Letters to Ryan
  • Completely pay off plane tickets 

And now that I'm on a roll, I'm going to go ahead and post my Spring Semester Goals:


  • Perfect school attendance
  • Make myself known 
  • Gain 100% more confidence in climbing 
  • Yoga twice a week
  • Half marathon
  • Pay bills/tithing/savings FIRST
  • Prepare for France
  • Be a fountain, not a drain 

Why I am Waiting

I just happen to have a missionary who just happens to have my heart. 

This is significant enough to write about on my public blog that I know everyone reads faithfully. Well here it is, the awaited next post. 

Sometimes I laugh to myself because I have never in my life considered the idea of having a missionary. Not ever. I remember the way the world turned topsy-turvy for a little while each time one of my relatives left on their missions. And I remember how life went on and I remember when they came home I cried and then within the hour it was as if they never left.

But sending someone you are in love with off for two years with no contact other than in letters and the weekly email is different. It is hard. It gives you time to take a step back and analyze your feelings for this person who used to be a very present part of your every day life without any real breaks. Every day means a new conversation, a new outing, a new experience. And really it becomes routine to be with them. Now there are only memories to hold onto and now it takes more to say "I love you" than it ever did before. 

I have heard everyone's stories and everyone's opinions on sending a missionary off. At first they were relatively interesting but now they are an unasked for bore of a tale. I have realized that each couple that has been put in this situation is different. They are two unique individuals with a unique relationship, and so the way things go about for them does not reflect much on mine and Ryan's relationship.

In my opinion, the concept of "waiting" doesn't need to have as bad of a repute as it does. I guess that some girls (maybe even some boys, I don't know) take waiting to a level of pausing their own lives in order to maintain the idea of being with their missionary always. I don't really know what opportunities other people have turned down because they said they were waiting for their missionary, but I do know that dating boys is not the only subject of life and that there are a million things that can be done while at the same time waiting for a missionary. 

The love I feel for Ryan has been growing consistently each and every day since spring of my senior year of high school, and he has been the one person I have held feelings for through out these last few years as I have changed and begun to mold into the person I am meant to be. He as well has somehow managed to like me through my various stages and hair styles which must mean he loves me for my soul and will love me through whatever time brings. 

Being faithful to Ryan is something I knew I would do even before we said "I love you" and even before we had tested our relationship in college. I knew that I would wait for him before he felt confident that we could last with any sort of distance and before he asked me to be his girlfriend at all. I knew that Ryan was someone I would work for from the second he showed his affection, and if he hadn't I would have still worked hard for his friendship. 

There have been days where being apart from Ryan hurts to the point of physical discomfort. And on those days I have asked myself if leaving him behind and searching for someone new feels like a good idea. It doesn't feel good at all. It wouldn't even be the easy way out. In reality, not waiting for Ryan would be very much the same for me as waiting for him. The only difference is that one way I am letting go of someone I love with all of my mind and heart and the other way I am keeping him. 

Neither of us asked for this to happen (And now I'm acting all Harry Potter), but time has created this situation because we never let each other go, and not because we held too tightly either. It happened because it was so easy to love him from Cedar City and because nothing was ever wasted time with him. It happened because nobody is what Ryan is to me and nobody can be. He is a brilliant human being and I feel absolutely giddy that we are a part of each others lives. 

I am choosing to keep him because it makes sense to me. 

Things I Want

The things I am want that will never come without hard work:

My degree from a school I feel happy at
A career that really serves
Good relations with everyone in my life
To be fluent in French
To visit Europe
To climb mountains
To run a marathon
To get married in the temple
To always have a close relationship with God
To read books
To be truly healthy

The Good Life

The Good Life consists of deriving happiness by using your signature strengths every day in the main realms of living. The meaningful life adds one more component: using these same strengths to forward knowledge, power, or goodness. A life that does this is pregnant with meaning, and if God comes at the end, such a life is sacred.

Martin E P Seligman

Not Worth It

Foods that aren't worth it:

French fries
Potato chips
Onion rings
Soda
Condiments
Fruit punch and sports drinks
Jelly
Butter
Candy
Cream cheese
Cream
Dessert toppings
Gravy

All empty calorie foods. This doesn't mean I am not going to eat all the pumpkin pie I want this fall, it just means I am going to do my best to avoid these foods on a day to day basis! Saving it for an occasion.

Thought I would share.

Old Times

Today I'm feeling very open to nostalgia. This is not uncommon for me, but I'm just lately recognizing the large space in my heart that is forever filled with memories with all the best friends I made during high school! All of my absolute BEST times have been with these girls. They always brought out a side of me nobody else could. We were the weirdest, most annoying and (in our opinion at the time) funniest people on Earth.

Thank you girls for making life fun.


Pleasure Vs Joy

Pleasure is a powerful source of motivation, but it does not produce change; it is a conservative force that makes us want to satisfy existing needs, achieve comfort and relaxation. . . . Enjoyment [gratification] on the other hand is not always pleasant, and it can be utterly stressful at times. A mountain climber may be close to freezing, utterly exhausted, in danger of falling into a bottomless crevasse, yet he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Sipping a cocktail under a palm tree at the edge of the turquoise ocean is nice, but it just doesn't compare to the exhilaration he feels on that freezing ridge.

-Authentic Happiness

Chapter 7 on happiness in the present

Beautifully said.

Photo Shoot Fun

This is what happens at our "Photo shoots"







And I have the funniest bffs on Earth.
Let it be known.

1 AM Blogging

So... blogging on my phone isn't exactly the ideal way to extract my thoughts but it is one in the AM and my brain is overfilling so here I am.

It might just be the pressure of the migraine being covered up by pain killers that is pushing all my thoughts out the door because now that I sit here wide awake I'm not even sure where to begin.

This last year I have struggled time and time again with confidence issues. I can root back to several occurrences that might have made this a real setback in my life but the more important thing is that I have been overcoming my insecurities and learning to trust and love myself like I used to. For the first time in ages I feel proud of my personal life goals and confident I will achieve them. I am not lessening myself to any other persons path. I feel worthy, credible, smart and interesting. I feel like I can appreciate others for who they are without putting myself below them. I trust myself. I know myself. I know what I will allow in my life and what I won't. I look forward to the future and know it is a good one because I put myself in the best positions I can everyday. I feel loved, and I love with all of my heart the people in my life and this whole world.

I feel comfortable in my own skin. I never realized how important that concept was until I didn't feel comfortable with myself.

I am feeling like a positive human being. How simple but how important.

Alice in Wonderland



Classic



CLASSIC

Videos



Old short that still gives me chills

More Videos



Pulls on my soul strings.

What I Miss

I need to hurry and blog this while I feel it sharply.

I don't miss high school. I would never want to go back. But I have an ache in my stomach for all the memories and friends that were once a part of the daily life. It's so different now. Reuniting with old friends is fun but it will never be the same as it was when we were little tikes. I miss my friends, our sleepovers and talks about life, boys and Harry potter. I miss haileys bug. I miss breakfast at Sarah's. I miss me and Alyx almost hating each other because we had to be together everyday. I miss meeting up with the guys. I miss staying out all night torturing myself with tiredness just so I could stay with the group. I miss all the mistakes I made. I miss how annoying we all were. I miss my expressiveness.

 I miss sitting on the edge of the bed I am in now taunting Ryan that I would touch his computer screen and get finger prints on it. I miss him showing me music and then watching a favorite movie with him. I miss our trips to ikea and the concerts we went to. I miss our talks. I miss hurting for him because I could never have him. All of this in high school before we ever even hit the surface of our relationship.

 I miss how big everything felt.

Summer List

Halfway Through the Summer

Olympus
Timp
Work out everyday
Be healthy
Bryce Canyon
Seattle
Skydive
Yoga once a week
Mountain bike weekends
Camp
Concerts
Make new friends
Lots of packages and letters for Ryan

Whether I go to Puerto Rico this year or not..

The Hobit comes out December 14th which means I get to view it from London.
Now there is something to look forward to.

I have felt itchy and slightly lost lately. I want travel, I want beautiful things. Things that are all so expensive and out of my grasp. I have been trying to control the uncontrollable. Instead, I think I will go to the library and embrace this gray day.

Truth


Stole from tumblr.
Simple truth.
And every day reminder.

What Do You Know

Looks like I have a missionary now..



And I sure do love him! It's time to send lots of letters and goodies! 

My Dad

My Dad....
Is an incredible man. He has been the perfect dad my entire life and the older I get the more I learn from him every day! He is teaching me to be able to be independent step by step and I am so grateful. He taught me the fun stuff like how to mountain bike (and ride a bike in the first place) and snowboard. He also taught me things like how to clean and be responsible. He has taught me the importance of getting an education, he bought me my first car, he gave me all my favorite birthday and Christmas presents and he has shown me all the support I need when I am going through hard times. Without him I honestly don't know what I would do. I love you Dad! ......As if he reads my blog haha

Love

I love him and he loves me. 
(He doesn't like pictures though...)



Camping Fun

I love us for our normalcy 

It's safe to say I have the best best friends on Earth. This Summer is flying by way too fast already...June just needs to stop progressing. Things are stressful and confusing and I feel dizzy with all the life decision making that is going on. But I have some great people to fall back on. I don't know what life is going to look like in two months let alone two years. But I do know who will be there for me. This post is just a thank you to my bfffffs and it is also an excuse to put this picture on the internet. 


Love you Alyx (:


Goodbye SUU

It's time...
My last hours at Southern Utah University are coming to an end. What a year of discovery. With every passing day I swear some new life lesson unfolded. I kept pretty quiet and to my own goals this entire school year and even though I didn't have many loud, messy experiences I do not regret one moment or one choice. I have made a pretty great starting foundation during my first year of college for the person I am and the person I am becoming.

And now, it's time to write about the first roommates I ever had!

Ehrin- Ehrin was my reeeeal first roommate ever. In the Juniper dorms, of course. The first few days of school were an adjustment from my home life and to living with a stranger but things went well from the start. We talked about people from our towns, experiences we'd had, and things we are interested in. At night, whoever was the last to stop reading turned off the light. In the morning, whoever woke up first kept quiet while they got ready for class. We got along! It wasn't until getting kicked out of Juniper that we really became good friends though. As the year went on we both started going to Aerobics together and got really into it. We both have a love for fitness and nutrition..we could talk for hours about the subject. We have had lots of good talks. She taught me things about cooking and how to substitute healthy ingredients for almost anything. We also ran our first 5k together!! I'm going to miss her!! And I'm especially going to miss the chocolate chip pancakes.
Sarah- Sarah Bell. I don't know where to begin. I love this girl. Sarah is one of those people that NOBODY hates, or even dislikes. She is incredibly easy to get along with while at the same time being incredibly unique and entirely her own person. She is small, but her mind wouldn't show it. If I ever had a conflict I could go to her and she would be able to work through it with me. And if I ever needed a "pick-me-up" I could talk to her and she could make me smile! She knows how to have fun, she knows music, she knows style and she knows places. This girl knows about life.
Kamille- At the beginning of the year I only knew Kamille as "Sarah's friend", because although having gone to high school together for three years, we had never crossed paths! I got to know Kamille the best at the start of Fall semester when none of us really knew what was going on at SUU. Me, Sarah and Kamille would have talks in their dorm room or in the car driving around Cedar for who knows how long. The first thing I noticed about her was her creativity. She is a true artist (True of Sarah as well). She is also incredibly bubbly and good-spirited. She isn't afraid to cut off all her hair and change things up--probably my favorite thing about her. I learned a lot through the experiences we have had and talked about this year and I'm forever grateful!
Denise- Oh Denise. One of the funniest girls I have ever known. Her jokes ALWAYS make me laugh, no matter if they are the "It's because I'm Mexican" jokes or if she's singing loud and like a freak or if she's making the "I'm yo motha now" type jokes. She cracks me up. Denise was shy when I first met her, but who am I kidding I was shy too! Once we got to know each other I found out how much I love this girl. I can always talk to her, no matter how different our lives are. We understand each other. I am really going to miss her. Denise if you're reading this, remember to text me whenever you are in SLC. ;) YOLO
Kelsey- Kelsey is another person who makes me laugh with every word that comes out of her mouth. She is incredibly sarcastic and witty. She is also super smart and reads more books in a month than I do in a year. She is involved in several extracurricular activities and I am really not sure how she does it. Her keys are even bigger and louder than mine and her backpack is covered in pins. She has her own style and her own personality! I'm really going to miss her sassy remarks and her stories about life.


I love you girls. Thank you so much for this whole year!!

This Weekend

Thoughts Sprung From This Weekend:

It always makes me feel funny when I am told a story about another person that changes my views on them. I try not to let it, but sometimes people do things I would never expect, and I just feel differently. In conclusion, I really want to try my best to always be the 'me' I want others hearing about. I have been working on this for awhile actually, trying to stay positive with my actions and words, but this weekend gave me an extra reminder to be diligent not only for myself, but because you never know who is watching.

On another note, I am going to start a food journal. I have had the idea in my head for a few weeks and kept a short diary (more like a list) of what I ate during the day in my phone, but it got boring. The reason for this is I want to make sure my body is getting what it needs to be healthy! Ever since I started buying my food I have been eating like a champion. I am pretty proud of myself. Whole grains, fruits, veggies, organic and skim blah blah blah, and now, plenty of protein. The only thing is, I want to turn this into a science. I want to really know my body and know what it needs, when it needs it, and how much! So the food journal thing has been in my mind, but it wasn't until today at Church that I realized it could be a fun journal, full of the thoughts and delights of my soul. I could clip in inspirational quotes, poems, and recipes that I try. I can keep track of my personal goals and add in notes along with listing what I am actually eating! I am so excited!

This weekend was a good one. Between hiking, Yoga, the gym, Starbucks, baseball games and stargazing (and CHURCH!), I'd say me and my roomies did well. I'm going to miss SUU. I might cry. I literally just pouted my lip thinking about it. Gosh I'm so embarrassing...I'm in public. Stop Lennyx. Oh my gosh I'm weird.

I am also currently reading Dracula. I highly recommend it to everyone. It's a good long read. I really enjoy the writing style and the characters are all so darn earnest. Except the vampires...

Just My Brain

 Literally my thoughts spilled out onto the screen:

I have a horrible red spot on my face that keeps coming and going in the same place. It's like a zit but far below the surface... HELP ME.

TMI?

Well I'm just studying some French vocab right now...well, "studying"...and blogger was calling my name. Sometimes I miss my old Tumblr until I remember how I love this blog so much I can almost cuddle up to it. Tumblr was more like a pretty arrangement of things that weren't mine.

I want to type the way my mind is working right now so that I might remember to think in French during the Summer.

Me: "Je suis allee. I was going. J'allais. I went."
Me:  "Now cut out the fat."
Me: "Je suis allee. J'allais."
Me: "Je suis allee au centre commercial. J'allais souvent. J'aimais achete des vetements quand j'avais l'argent. C'etait une bonne utilisation du temps quand j'avais besoin de temps seul. Je pouvais pense et creer. Oui, la centre commercial etait amusant, mais la gym etait mieux. J'ai couru a la gym six fois par semaine."

Nonsense? Maybe. Necessary nonsense? Yes.

I'm a nutrition major working on my DH license who loves language. It works. I'll make this work.

Need

Things I crave with all of my being:

A mission trip somewhere I could really HELP
- This is the reason why I am becoming a dental hygienist. It is a skill I could take with me to people in need of healthcare.

A fluent tongue in le francais 
-French is going to be my major after I get my associates in hygiene. Combined with some Spanish classes, I will be set for travelling and communicating with a lot of people.

A raaaace
-Give me a 5k or give me a half marathon. I want to run with other runners.


My Love

"Words don't have the capacity to describe the feeling. It sounds like...Fader by The Temper Trap...or Taxi Cab by Vampire Weekend. I am really loving this. I want the future to keep it for me. Music sounds better and I'm happy to be tired."

This was my blog post on March 30, 2011. The night me and Ryan had our (second) first kiss. For those of you who don't know our story it started off pretty rough. We dated junior year of high school and then literally did not say one word for each other for an entire year afterwards. In fact, if I ever saw him going my direction in the hallways at school I would do anything I could to avoid his gaze, dart to the bathroom, find someone to say hi to, rummage through my backpack, etc. I won't tell the tale of WHY things were so bad between us, but they were pretty broken.
So a year went by and one day I apologized to him, not expecting anything in return. I had been taunted by dreams that whole year of us becoming friends again and things being set straight. Then I would wake up and midway through my morning shower realize it had only been a dream. I had to do something. Ryan and I then started talking like friends again, both saying sorry for the way we had acted towards each other. A couple months later, he kissed me. And here we are. I love him. 


CONSUMER CULTURE

Before I really get into this paper I'm writing for English, I want to paste a quote that really caught my attention. The subject we are writing about currently is advertising and how it effects culture, us Americans particularly. This is from an excerpt I read in Consumer Culture and Postmodernism.

Rather than reflexively adopting a lifestyle, through tradition or habit, the new heroes of consumer culture make lifestyle a life project and display their individuality and sense of style in the particularity of an assemblage of goods, clothes, practices, experience, appearance and bodily dispositions they design together into a lifestyle. The modern individual within consumer culture is made conscious that he speaks not only with his clothes, but also with his home, furnishings, decoration, car and other activities which are to be read and classified in terms of the presence and absence of taste. The preoccupation with customizing a lifestyle and a stylistic self-consciousness are not just to be found among the young and affluent; consumer culture publicity [advertising] suggests that we all have room for self-improvement and self-expression whatever our age or class origins. (page 86)

This hit me good in the chest.


Here are some companies that represent the lifestyle I am trying to mold for myself:
Subaru
Nike
North Face
J Crew


...That doesn't feel like a lot. But those are what I know to be branded in my head as something I need to be a part of. I feel so exposed by this post! Hopefully things are as I predict and out of my followers only a couple read my page. Liberate me!

PREACH

I'm going on a preaching rant, stepping to the pulpit. 
I'll tell ya, working out and eating right are the key to life. Enjoying nature and the countless activities offered by it make every season exciting. Every time I go snowboarding, hiking, running, climbing, etc., it is a new challenge and a totally worthwhile experience. I'm no daredevil and I find it difficult to let go of my insecurities and doing these things help me to break out little by little. Making it a group adventure is even better than going it alone! I love everyone I have gotten to know through being active and I have some of my best memories from the times I've had with other people.

Being healthy makes everything else easier. Sickness becomes a rarity, the mind thinks more clearly, depression can be overcome and confidence rises.

I'm not perfect, but I am proud of my health choices these days. I have always wanted to be healthy, but didn't fully act on my goals until this year at SUU. I have tripled my daily running mileage, I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, I have learned countless workouts from classes and I manage a pretty good diet.

Today I ran both at the gym and around campus, did some biking, went to the usual aerobics class I do four days a week and then finished off with weights. I also talked wellness with my roomie and we discussed food and nutrition. We always get so into these conversations!! I love this stuff. I'm on the path to wellness. I love my body, mind and spirit. I don't think I could ever get bored with this ever-progressing life.

I Like Making Lists

slrrrr
yoga mat
running shoes
water bottle
open mind
positive outlook
diversity
good friends
a cozy bed


All I need.

My Hair Length Really Matters To Me

This is what I call progression and satisfaction. I cannot wait for my hair to be long like Rapunzel's.
After one year of awkward hair lengths (mid-length hair in between long and short is NOT awkward guys. Cut all your hair off and you will see that too.) and tempting hair dressers trying to get me to dye and style my hair all sorts of ways, I have succeeded to get my hair back into an even length and back to its natural color. YES!

This is going to be my hair in a few years
VVV

Just Some Things I Want

I miss my camera. I want a dalmatian. I crave France and my college degree. I want to live free and liberated; Above addiction and beyond materialism. I need the mountains and to be with myself. I have a lot of reasons to cry and a lot of reasons to love. I am vomiting words onto this monitor. Nobody can tell me how to live my life, what will make me happy, or what I should do. I know myself. I am strong and capable. I am a dreamer but I am reasonable. I can have the things that I want and nobody can stop me. I can live the way that I like and nothing can sway me. vomit vomit vomit.

Yoga

“Know thou the soul (atman, self) as riding in a chariot,
The body as the chariot.
Know thour the intellect (buddhi) as the chariot-driver, 
And the mind (manas) as the reins.
The senses (indriya), they say, are the horses;
The objects of sense, what they range over...
He who has not understanding,
Whose mind is not constantly held firm-- 
His senses are uncontrolled, 
Like the vicious forces of a chariot-driver.
He, however, who has the understanding of a chariot-driver,
A man who reins in his mind--
He reaches the end of his journey,
The highest place of Vishnu.”
-the Sutras of Patanjali
This is what Yoga will do for you. It helps me in every area of life, stimulating my mind, spirit and body both during and after my sessions. Who wants to join me for classes in good old SLC this summer? 

How Often

How often do you feel the need to recreate yourself? Or just to change something about yourself? How often do you think, "I need to be better at this and this and this.." so that you can feel happy? These thoughts cross my mind every single day. I always need to be healthier, I always need to look prettier, I always need to act happier and I always need to try something new. Wanting to improve is a healthy notion, but it can be weary. I am often impatient and not so good at forgiving myself when I don't succeed at my goal right away. Other people seem so content with themselves. Maybe that's because it's a personal conversation.. I'm not sure. I'm struggling. I don't hate myself, but I want so badly to be better.

LOTR

Gandalf is one sassy wizard.
And I quote:


[Stuck in a snowstorm and trying to stay hidden in secret]


"But though they had brought wood and kindlings by the advice of Boromir, it passed the skill of Elf or even Dwarf to strike a flame that would hold amid the swirling wind or catch in the wet fuel. At last reluctantly Gandalf himself took a hand. Picking up a faggot he held it aloft for a moment, and then with a word of command, naur an edraith ammen! he thrust the end of his staff into the midst of it. At once a great spout of green and blue flame sprang out, and the wood flared and sputtered.


'If there are any to see, then I at least am revealed to them,' he said. 'I have written Gandalf is here in signs that all can read from Rivendell to the mouths of Anduin.'


[Still stuck in a snowstorm]


'If Gandalf would go before us with a bright flame, he might melt a path for you,' said Legolas. 


..'If Elves could fly over mountains, they might fetch the Sun to save us,' answered Galdalf. 

Food Industry

If you are interested in food, and by food I mean the industrialization of food, here are a few related quotes I picked out from two very good books I've yet to fully read. I did not write out any quotes from Anthony Bourdain's writing, Food is Good, but that is definitely something to read when you are looking for a Chef's point of view. 

Pleasure of Eating
Wendell Berry
“The food industrialists have by now persuaded millions of consumers to prefer food that is already prepared. They will grow, deliver, and cook your food for you and (just like your mother) beg you to eat it. That they do not yet offer to insert it, prechewed, into your mouth only because they have found no profitable way to do so.” (Pg 22 and 23)
“The condition of the passive consumer of food is not a democratic condition. One reason to eat responsibly is to live free.” (Pg 23)
“The consumer, that is to say, must be kept from discovering that, in the food industry- as in any other industry- the overriding concerns are not quality and health, but volume and price. (Pg 24)

Omnivores Dilemma
Michael Pollan 
“A country with a stable food culture would not shell out millions for the quackery (or common sense) of a new dietary book every January. It would not be susceptible to the pendulum swings of food scares or fads, to the apotheosis every few years of newly discovered nutrient and the demonization of another.” (Pg 3 and 4)
“Our ingenuity in feeding ourselves is prodigious, but at various points our technologies come into conflict with nature’s way of doing things, as when we seek to maximize efficiency by planting crops or raising animals in vast monocultures. This is something nature never does, always and for good reasons practicing diversity instead.” (Pg 10) 

Things I Got From Tumblr

"Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion." -Jack Kerouac


What an unrelated mess. Things I pulled from a blog of wonders I found by searching aimlessly through the internet. 

Foreshadowing

The leaves were long, the grass was green,
The hemlock-umbels tall and fair,
And in the glade a light was seen
Of stars in shadow shimmering.
Tinuviel was dancing there
To music of a pipe unseen,
And light of stars was in her hair,
And in her raiment glimmering.


There Beren came from mountains cold,
And lost he wandered under leaves,
And where the Elven-river rolled
He walked alone and sorrowing,
He peered between the hemlock-leaves
And saw in wonder flowers of gold
Upon her mantle and her sleeves,
And her hair like shadow following.


Enchantment healed his weary feet
That over hills were doomed to roam;
And forth he hastened, strong and fleet,
And grasped at moonbeams glistening.
Through woven woods in Elvenhome
She lightly fled on dancing feet,
And left him lonely still to roam
In the silent forest listening.


He heard there oft the flying sound
Of feet as light as linden-leaves,
Or music welling underground,
In hidden hollows quavering.
Now withered lay the hemlock-sheaves,
And one by one with sighing sound
Whispering fell the beechen leaves
In the wintry woodland wavering.


He sought her ever, wandering far
Where leaves of years were thickly strewn,
By light of moon and ray of star
In frosty heavens shivering.
Her mantle glinted in the moon,
As on a hill-top high and far
She danced, and at her feet was strewn
A mist of silver quivering.


When winter passed, she came again,
And her song released the sudden spring,
Like rising lark, and falling rain,
And melting water bubbling.
He saw the elven-flowers spring
About her feet, and healed again
He longed by her to dance and sing
Upon the grass untroubling.


Again she fled, but swift he came.
Tinuviel! Tinuviel!
He called her by her elvish name;
And there she halted listening.
One moment stood she, and a spell
His voice laid on her: Beren came,
And doom fell on Tinuviel
That in his arms lay glistening.


As Beren looked into her eyes
Within the shadows of her hair,
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored shimmering.
Tinuviel the elven-fair,
Immortal maiden elven-wise,
About him cast her shadowy hair
And arms like silver glimmering.


Long was the way that fate them bore,
O'er stony mountains cold and grey,
Through halls of iron and darkling door,
And woods of nightshade morrowless.
The Sundering Seas between them lay,
And yet at last they met once more,
And long ago they passed away
In the forest singing sorrowless.


- J.R.R. Tolkien 


f o r e s h a d o w i n g 

Poetry

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king. 

- J.R.R Tolkien 
The Fellowship of the Ring 

Weekend in Cedar City


A List

I really love:
Stories that take me on an adventure
Lyrics that explain things how I can't
When Lady Gaga tweets
People who make me want to be better
This lamp Sarah brought to our living room
Articles that teach me something interesting and useful
Moments of contentment and bliss
The feeling I get when I'm running well
The sunset on Cedar's red mountains
Every store/restaurant on ninth and ninth
Sitting on a ski lift
Hearing people talk about things they are really into
Progression.

Goals

These were my goals for 2011:
"this year i want to keep up my streak of accomplishment. i want to build my running endurance and choose which college to attend. i want to grow out my hair without killing out my pigment and just be healthy. i want to gain confidence in snowboarding, which is already happening, and not sweat drama. i want to save money. i want to reread all seven harry potter's, and get into a new hobby. i want to complete my extern-ship and high school with pride. i want to have good relationships with everyone around me and make other people smile. i want to write more poetry to expand my English vocabulary and self-enunciation.  i want to stay on top of my life at every moment. a break will be good to take every now and then, but i want to leave procrastination out of my routines. i want to go on more hikes than i ever have, and buy the camera i keep stealing from my best friend and my mom. i want to give to others, and create something new. i want to have the best experiences and travel. i know as i stay true to myself, this could end up being the greatest year yet."

I am happy to say I accomplished all of those things (Well, I only reread the sixth and seventh Harry Potter's but hey.) and I am pretty proud of myself! I followed my intuition on the small things, tried harder daily, and worked to get where I am. Even though it might not be such a big deal, finishing my first semester of college gave me butterflies. I have waited my whole life to be where I am right now and sometimes it is surreal. This year was full of beautiful weather, wonderful people, and a few surprises. I cannot believe what an amazing boyfriend I scored and how much he has added to my life this last year. He is the biggest blessing to me. I was also able to keep important friendships back home while living in southern Utah and even create new ones.

I am very excited for this new year!! In the year 2012, I am going to run more miles per week than ever. I want to complete at least one half-marathon this year and get a faster pace at the gym as well. I am going to manage my time and my money efficiently and open myself more to all of the people in my life. I want to be a better listener and a better friend. I plan on finishing all of the Lord of the Rings, keeping a GPA above 3.5, getting better at snowboarding, climbing that wall that keeps whispering my name, attending morning workout classes, and keeping good nutrition. In all, I want to entirely improve myself in the things I love to do.

"Staying true to myself" has been a pretty good method ever since I started doing so. ;)