Bryce Canyon

March 2017

This weekend trip was brought to you by the -1 day- of "spring break" that BYU gives their students. I can't complain because one Friday off was enough for us to pack up and drive to this beautiful place for three days of camping and exploring. It had been so long that I had gone more than a night without makeup on that I honestly forgot how blonde by eyebrows are so that was weird.

We spent most of our time hiking around the middle of the park, because that's where all the most spectacular hoodoos are (those pillars of rock that stick up), and because the snow had some roads and trails closed off on the north and south ends of the park.

The blue sky next to the red rocks and snow was absolutely breath taking. The snow made the trails kind of slippery on some parts, but because it would freeze at night and then thaw out during the day, the snow had become super mixed with dirt and rocks, and the friction was like pavement on most of the icy/snowy areas.

I am SO white right now!! It seemed like my skin was whiter than the snow! I am always really white but just getting out of winter is a scary sight. I will always remember this as the weekend when we listened to Ender's Game on the road and went on the most beautiful loop hikes I've ever done.

Another Gym Monologue

Tonight I went to the gym and decided to spend over an hour on the elliptical. This is my exercise of choice when I am tired, or when I have just eaten a lot of crappy food that is still digesting. I had the resistance up so I could still get a work out, but not up enough that it was killing me. I watched my very first episode of Law and Order because that's what was on the TV in front of me. At first I was really annoyed because I don't like to watch dramas (there is enough drama in the real world as it is) but it ended up being totally interesting and actually kept me on the machine. But that is beside the point.

As I was on the elliptical trying to get in my workout for the day, I started thinking. What is my purpose for coming to the gym? Why do I get mad at myself for eating tons of processed food and then go on these green drink binges? What am I accomplishing? Is this healthy for my mind?

I used to exercise for me. I used to get up everyday EXCITED to get in my work out. I loved running that extra mile, and I loved going to the fitness classes my community offered. Exercise was a mental cleansing for me. It was therapeutic. I also loved the food I ate.  I loved my all natural pp&j sandwiches on whole wheat bread and my banana-spinach protein shakes. All of these things I did for myself.

But there has been a change in why I am exercising and trying to be healthy. I look on Facebook and Instagram at all these fitness gurus. I see their before's and after's. I look at girls who used to look just like I do right now, and then I see them now with six packs and slimmer, sexier looking bodies. I follow fitness blogs with weekly meal plans, exercise routines, tips on how to stay fit and not give up. And I am trying to be like them. I'm looking at myself in the mirror and feeling so disappointed in myself for not looking like them. It's ridiculous, because everybody knows that's a trap and I'm supposed to love my body the way it is. Even those fitness models say that they eat cake too and they aren't perfect either. And that is what keeps me following them, is that illusion of, "This is reality. I did this and so can you."

And yes, that is true to an extent. I know not too deep down I have a six pack too. And I know that the workouts and meal plans actually create results to those who follow them. But the thing is, those girls are not me. I mean, one of the people I have followed for months eats green beans with every meal. Gross. That is not something I want to do.

So after thinking over this and finishing my cool down on the elliptical, I went home and cried. I cried because I have been body shaming myself for so long now, and I didn't fully realize it. My exercise and lifestyle habits have turned from something wonderful and therapeutic into something harmful. I have been insecure in myself everyday. Not only insecure of my outward appearance, but of my inner self as well.

I needed that realization so I can get back to being healthy for me, and loving myself for who I am. That is literally the only way I will ever maintain a healthy lifestyle. I have now unfollowed all of those people whose job it is to be fit, happy, and healthy for the internet, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my back.

This isn't just about the way I look. It is about how I feel about who I am. I believe self love needs to come before I can progress in any way. And I feel like I can really start to love myself again.

A Day

The Quote That Got Me to the Gym When I Had a Headache

(Which is hard to do)

"One mistake I often see people make is making decisions based off their urges, moods, energy levels, inspiration, or other immediate circumstances. But people who are successful recognize that you have to do the work no matter what you're actually feeling. It doesn't matter if you feel energized and inspired, all that matters is that you do it. The biggest difference between those who achieve their goals and those who don't is that the achievers don't allow their feelings or circumstances to dictate their actions. Instead they decide what to do based on their deepest values, purpose, and goals - and then do the work regardless." Chris Friesen

This is a random quote I found on a Reader's Digest article this morning and it is SO relevant to me and the space between my dreams and my reality.

Ryan inspires me daily because he just works so hard at school to get where he wants to go, even though it is usually stressful and definitely not fun. He doesn't just sit and wish he was at a certain place in life, he is literally taking the baby steps EVERY DAY to get there.

I want to be like that. I have goals that I have progressed toward but never seem within reach. And it is because I wait to be in the mood, to feel energized and inspired, before I get anything done.

I know the secret to success is daily practice. No matter what the goal.

But what about when I am tired? What about when the weather is bad or I have a headache? The headache one is my biggest issue.

I desire to be healthy and strong. I desire to be active and full of energy. I want that to be who I am.

And this reminder really helped me. I can be that person.

Here's a pretty picture I took while hiking to Silver Lake one time.

Lava Hot Springs

Christmas Vacation 2016

Ryan and I wanted to get away for a few days while we both had a break this winter and had a tough time figuring out where to go... We originally had planned for San Francisco until we realized the drive there in the winter time wouldn't be vey safe. Then we bought a camp ground at the Grand Canyon where we planned to get away, until we found out the weather was bad going south and some important roads were closed down. SOOOOO... Lava it was! Only a 2 hour drive and clear roads all the way up.

We stayed in a cute room at the Home Hotel. The hot springs felt amazing with the cold air and snow all around. And of course there were cute restaurants on main street that we went to for ummm...every meal. At night in our room we cozied up to Freaks and Geeks, which we just recently discovered thanks to Netflix. There was only 1 season made which is utterly depressing, because the show is THE BEST.

This was a 100% relaxing mini-vaca. Total success.

Christmas Eve / Christmas

Starting off with a little train ride to see Santa :)

Then Lauren took pics of me to show me how to use my new camera

Our pretend Christmas card this year..

Christmas Eve beauty mask..

"Can you OD on facemasks?"

It's the Small Things

This December I am really trying to soak up the Christmas spirit. I have yet to build a gingerbread house or do anything snow-related (I mean I guess it's only the 11th).. HOWEVER, this is the first year of my short life that I have focused on getting more than just one or two people presents. It feels like such an accomplishment. In the past I have always felt like a bad gift giver. I never knew what to get people so I just procrastinated finding something until it was too late.

This year I think I felt extra motivation because being married I acquired nieces and nephews, and the thought of not getting them a gift just felt wrong. So after thinking of them I came up with a whole list of people that I felt I needed to give gifts, to show them that Ryan and I love and care about them. We don't have a tree so we just have piled the gifts on the wall next to our bed.

On top of Christmas, one of my BEST friends is getting married this month, on the 22nd!!! So that has been a blast getting ready for as well. We had her bridal shower and it was so much fun. I never thought a winter wedding could be a good idea, but now I'm realizing how cute and magical it can be to get married during this time. I have my bridesmaid dress picked out and her bachelorette party is this upcoming weekend. I can't wait to get all dressed up and have a girls night out. She picked the Melting Pot, so we will be living the high life for the night. :)

I was also able to take my little sister on a train ride to the North Pole when Ryan's parents gave me their tickets which was really nice! Trin is just at that age where she still believes in Santa and can still appreciate the fun. My favorite part personally was the cookie and hot chocolate they gave us. My sugar addiction is very well encouraged during the holidays.

THEN, Ryan and I got to see JIM GAFFIGAN this last Friday night!! We have listened to all his recorded sketches and we love him, so seeing him live was seriously AWESOME. These are our happy faces after the show. His opening line to the audiences was...."Okay, okay, I'll convert, sheesh!" Haha.

I am so blessed with a great job, an amazing husband, close friends and family and the chance to make new memories. My grandpa has a new winter picture he created that I am in love with and hope to get a framed copy of soon. I know there are people out there who think Christmas is a scam and hate it, but I think it's fabulous.

I am also obsessed with candles that make my house smell good and have burned through them faster than usual these last few weeks. We have a scentsy burner that has cinnamon in it currently, and I also have 3 candles that I'm loving right now. Target is my best friend when it comes to candles. I used to only buy them at anthropology, but Target has shown me good quality for a better price!

I took this pic after I took the one of the candle to show Ryan's favorite place to be: wrapped up in his blanket playing his xbox one when he isn't studying or working on school projects. He loved the intrusion. ;)

I can't wait to see what the rest of this month holds.

Thanksgiving

Here is how life is going right now. I feel loads better about things than I did last time I posted. Ryan and I have most people's Christmas presents ordered or already wrapped, and I'm so excited for Christmas!!!!

It was our first married thanksgiving this year and I'd say it went really well. We went to my grandmas at 12 and brought the veggie tray. For some reason I wasn't really in the mood to be surrounded by the dozens of children (my wonderful cousins) that were running around. I think my weekend desire to be around kids has dwindled quite a bit due to my job as a pediatric dental assistant. So I guess I was a little on edge. But then we ate, and I got over it. After all they are my family and I love em! Towards the end of the meal it was time to share poems. My family has this awesome tradition where we write poems for thanksgiving. They are always my favorite part of the day. This year Elias, Jenny, my mom and her "friend" Gideon, Trinity, and Winslow all shared.

After the poems Ryan and I got back in our car and went to his parents house for second Thanksgiving. I made a banana cream pie exactly the way my mom makes it and I ended up eating 3/4ths of it by the next day. It was mostly Ryan's immediate family there joined by a few other family members. We ate for only a few minutes it seems like and then we were off again.

Ryan's mission friend turned cousin in-law wanted to head to target for some Black Friday deals. We went with him and his wife Kylie and stood in line for an hour waiting for the store to open. Once it did we rushed in and us girls calmly browsed around as the boys ran to get our Black Friday prizes. Ryan ended up with an XBox One and something else that was supposed to be a Christmas surprise for me.

After Target it was time to go to a thanksgiving movie. Ryan's family chose Moana and I was really looking forward to it. It ended up being us 4 Target shoppers joined by Ryan's sis, sister-in-law Sharlene and her kiddos, and Ryan's parents. The movie was better than I could have imagined. Ryan and I were obsessed with the music and the fact that Jemaine Clement plays the crab who sings about being shiny.

When we got back to Ryan's parents house it felt like midnight, but I don't think it really was.. Ryan decided to open and play with his new Xbox that he was originally planning to sell... *cough cough*, and I sat next to him and I geeked out looking up all the facts about the story of Moana and who Maui was and such.

We eventually went to bed and then I ate a bunch of the pie I made the next morning for breakfast! It was a busy day and a good day.