One Month In

Moving out of state is a big deal. Because when you move your whole life shifts. The brain has to work harder to do simple things like drive to the grocery store. The muscle memory of daily living is all gone. At work I'm suddenly not the person people go to with questions. I'm the one asking all the questions. When people tell me what city they grew up in I usually have no idea where it is. I feel like I am giving people blank stares all day long. 

Even though I'm just a couple of states away from Utah, the culture here is different. The laws are different. The nature is different. It's all wonderful, but so different. Actually no, it's not all wonderful. The heroin problem in San Francisco really sucks. What the heck is going on there? ANYWAY...

I am having to be with myself more. This is a good thing. I am realizing the amount of self discipline I have. It is more than I thought it was. I am learning how content I am with being alone. It doesn't bother me. I used to spend a lot of time alone. Then I lost that part of myself for a few years. I am finding it again. 

I actually kind of like waking up before the sun... that is something I never knew I could feel. My new job has me up before the sun most days. I cherish being able to listen to my favorite podcasts on my drive to work while I soak in the sunrise and plant life all around. One ritual I enjoy is stopping at the grocery store for a drink on my way to work. I don't do it everyday, but I look forward to it when I do.

Moving has gotten me out of comfort and into growth. It is the time for me to make small adjustments that will get me somewhere different in my future. I am finally in school again after a 3 1/2 year hiatus. I am earning more money than I was in Utah, partly because I'm working more, and that is a good thing. My marriage is being tested. Ryan and I are really in the thick of things together. We see all of each other and that can be scary. I don't like having someone who can see all of my flaws so close up. But it is necessary to have someone who will hold a mirror up to you. Not fun. But necessary. 

I am seeing myself more clearly than ever at this time. It is terrifying. Truly terrifying. It's like all of my excuses and false beliefs have been stripped from me, and now I'm left with what is. 

California has given me a really big opportunity to level up. Now it's up to me to choose what I am going to do with it.

On another note, I love having a new apartment to decorate and have fun with. Putting our home together has brought me so much joy. Ryan is just as opinionated as I am when it comes to our home and I thought that would be annoying, but it has made it way better actually because our home feels like a perfect combination of the two of us. He is also very proactive about searching for furniture and making things look nice and it is awesome. He is amazing that's for sure.