The album came out in fall of 2011 when I was a freshman living in the dorms at SUU. I used to get on Tumblr every morning after French class and every night after going to the gym. I'd blast, I mean BLAST, music in my headphones for hours at a time while blogging and writing in my paper journal. It was a therapeutic practice for me that I've been doing in one form or another since I was old enough to write my name on paper.
My grandma is the person who started my love for journaling. She used to have me sit down and draw whatever I could, and write whatever I knew how to. If I couldn't write what I wanted to say, she would write it for me.
It's not like I've written in a journal every day of my life, but I have always had some kind of journal going at any given time.
So back to tonight.
As soon as I put this song on, I got chills and felt a flood of emotion. Here's why: I never stopped journaling, and I never stopped listening to music. But it has been A REALLY LONG TIME since I truly sat down to be with myself and just let go of life outside of me for a second. I underlined that because there is a HUGE difference between writing a journal entry just to fill the page up or hurry and post some photos on my blog, and REALLY sitting with myself to write and explore the creative space that I have within me.
I started drawing/doodling again just a week ago. It was like feeling the sun after months of being cold. I'm not kidding. It made me so happy and so sad at the same time. I'm not much of an artist and I've never considered it to be that important, and now I know I actually need to draw regularly for my own happiness. Just because I'm not a professional artist doesn't mean it isn't important for self-expression.
I feel like I've been hurrying through the motions of life in so may ways, for way too long. I don't really know why. But now I remember what it feels like to not do that. To just sit and THINK and LEARN and CREATE and not look at a clock. It feels really good. Thank goodness I found that again.
This thought-spill isn't meant to compare myself now to my old self, but just to remember to give myself the time to enjoy the small moments in life, and to develop my own creativity for reasons that have nothing to do with anyone else or anything but my own personal happiness.
