i need to lay this down. it is never going to go anywhere with me, so please don't try. i pretend like it's going to be different every time, but i know it won't be. like somehow this boy and this kiss will feel like anything more than a shit waste of time. i haven't felt a tingle or butterfly's in my stomach since the last boy who shot me down and made my life hell for all of spring afterward. i haven't believed any guy could make a difference since the last ass hole who i thought was my best friend then turned around and snubbed me into the dirt.
what doesn't matter to me is finding that "one guy". i couldn't care less because the only difference that guy will make is giving me another reason to post my walls. people are cool but i don't know anyone cool enough to be my all. i've had that, and i don't need it again. once was one time too many. once was enough to haunt me for all the months after, cycling through the seasons. why is it an obsession the world has? what has love got to do with anything? love is for friends and family, people do connect on that level and i believe in love. just not the kind where you care if they are talking to other girls. i don't even know what that would feel like. i guess two can share a more powerful bond than all of this nonsense; i just don't know how to comprehend it.