a long time ago, everything was fresh. nothing was old news, because even the old things were exciting and full of magic. this feeling of freshness was only in one girl's perspective, as she was new to the world. her life was an empty book put simply. she could, and did, imagine and make up whatever she wanted to. the pages would be temporarily written on, until she changed her mind or thought of greater ways of spashing her life together. everyone was good and everything was pure. it took very little to make her happy. she didn't wonder about the future, because that was a job for her grown up self. the lady who had lost all ability and interest in pretending, the one whose pages were being heavily filled with ink, the girl who didn't feel the curiosity. because now, everything is old news.
i wish i could stop painful feelings of betrayal and loss. i wish i could feel the way i felt before i missed the shots i had. i wish he hadn't been so munipulative, and i wish i had known how to handle my anger. i wish i could go back and undo my brutal words. i wish he would do the same. i wish i didn't have to change my mind so often because you can't take back what you say. i wish it were easier to forgive but more i wish there was nothing to forgive. i wish i still felt whole, and i wish i knew what i should do about it, whatever it is. it is my anger, sadness, and confusion. i really, really wish i had a solid ground to walk on.