i always make rash decisions when i'm angry. i see myself as a logical person not blinded by any indoctrination or stubborn ideas, but i still have some really ridiculous thoughts. although i'm not half as ignorant as i once was, i'm still worried i might be out of some loop. i have up these defenses that i, myself, try to tear down at every corner at the same time as they are being built. that is wear my self conflict comes in. i pretend like it isn't there, but that is a joke. it's there and has been for awhile now. i don't know when the dilemma was created, but i'm doing my best to end it. everything is a big argument in my head. i'm an angry person and i think i like the heat. but it doesn't work out to be mad and conflicted all the time. i need to clear my head. i want to be strong, but i am letting myself be weak.
endo! 
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