Poetry

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king. 

- J.R.R Tolkien 

The Fellowship of the Ring 

Weekend in Cedar City

A List

I really love:

Stories that take me on an adventure

Lyrics that explain things how I can't

When Lady Gaga tweets

People who make me want to be better

This lamp Sarah brought to our living room

Articles that teach me something interesting and useful

Moments of contentment and bliss

The feeling I get when I'm running well

The sunset on Cedar's red mountains

Every store/restaurant on ninth and ninth

Sitting on a ski lift

Hearing people talk about things they are really into

Progression.

Goals

These were my goals for 2011:
"this year i want to keep up my streak of accomplishment. i want to build my running endurance and choose which college to attend. i want to grow out my hair without killing out my pigment and just be healthy. i want to gain confidence in snowboarding, which is already happening, and not sweat drama. i want to save money. i want to reread all seven harry potter's, and get into a new hobby. i want to complete my extern-ship and high school with pride. i want to have good relationships with everyone around me and make other people smile. i want to write more poetry to expand my English vocabulary and self-enunciation.  i want to stay on top of my life at every moment. a break will be good to take every now and then, but i want to leave procrastination out of my routines. i want to go on more hikes than i ever have, and buy the camera i keep stealing from my best friend and my mom. i want to give to others, and create something new. i want to have the best experiences and travel. i know as i stay true to myself, this could end up being the greatest year yet."

I am happy to say I accomplished all of those things (Well, I only reread the sixth and seventh Harry Potter's but hey.) and I am pretty proud of myself! I followed my intuition on the small things, tried harder daily, and worked to get where I am. Even though it might not be such a big deal, finishing my first semester of college gave me butterflies. I have waited my whole life to be where I am right now and sometimes it is surreal. This year was full of beautiful weather, wonderful people, and a few surprises. I cannot believe what an amazing boyfriend I scored and how much he has added to my life this last year. He is the biggest blessing to me. I was also able to keep important friendships back home while living in southern Utah and even create new ones.

I am very excited for this new year!! In the year 2012, I am going to run more miles per week than ever. I want to complete at least one half-marathon this year and get a faster pace at the gym as well. I am going to manage my time and my money efficiently and open myself more to all of the people in my life. I want to be a better listener and a better friend. I plan on finishing all of the Lord of the Rings, keeping a GPA above 3.5, getting better at snowboarding, climbing that wall that keeps whispering my name, attending morning workout classes, and keeping good nutrition. In all, I want to entirely improve myself in the things I love to do.

"Staying true to myself" has been a pretty good method ever since I started doing so. ;)

Inspiration

"Let there  be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another your bread but eat not from the sane loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak  tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

- Khalil Gibran

S U M M E R

My mind is taunted by the thought of this summer. Oh my this summer. To be working and running around the mountains and the city. My mind is taunted by the thought of Ryan's farewell. It's taunted by the thought of how I am possibly going to fill in all of the space between us with a pen and paper. It is taunted by snowboarding, by climbing, by running, by health. It is taunted by this French thing. My mind is taunted by location. Location location location. It is taunted by my goals and the steps I take daily to reach them. My mind is taunted by a need for a live band playing so loudly I cannot hear my own thoughts. It is taunted by Ryan's return....in two years. Two years of distance. Two years of growing. My mind is taunted by these exact things every morning I wake up until I am asleep again.

Am I Depressed?

Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.

Obviously I'm doing something wrong. I don't believe in the idea of "I'll be happy when..." I believe in finding happiness in my current situation. But my current situation was my current situation five months ago. I really need a change. I need it so bad. I can't live like this anymore. The only thing I look forward to everyday is running. When I'm done running I don't know what to do with myself. SUU has educated me and I have become a more healthy person. I have discovered new music and bought some new clothes. But my schedule remains. I eat, study, workout, and sleep. I am lonely all the time and I don't know where to go. It feels like I am tied to this campus. There is nothing outside of it. I miss being able to drive to my moms and cry in her arms. I miss my best friends. I am failing at keeping myself happy. I'm failing at being okay with being alone. I want to go home.