my top inspirational music artists:

lights, owl city, regina spektor, frankmusik, keane, the maccabees, the wombats, matt and kim, muse, lily allen, the flaming lips, depeche mode, gwen stefani, david bowie, danny elfman, john denver, passion pit, cold play, maroon 5, the hush sound, cat stevens, jack johnson, john mayer, ok go, panic at the disco, and others... things like plug in stereo or romance on a rocketship

mainly it is lights and adam young that i just can't even explain my love for. i can't put it into words. and i'm too tired to put together the sentences. electronic music with beautiful roots and optimistic lyrics. 

Yes

yes.

As Of Late

my life as of late:

i always make rash decisions when i'm angry. i see myself as a logical person not blinded by any indoctrination or stubborn ideas, but i still have some really ridiculous thoughts. although i'm not half as ignorant as i once was, i'm still worried i might be out of some loop. i have up these defenses that i, myself, try to tear down at every corner at the same time as they are being built. that is wear my self conflict comes in. i pretend like it isn't there, but that is a joke. it's there and has been for awhile now. i don't know when the dilemma was created, but i'm doing my best to end it. everything is a big argument in my head. i'm an angry person and i think i like the heat. but it doesn't work out to be mad and conflicted all the time. i need to clear my head. i want to be strong, but i am letting myself be weak.

endo! 

1. people are messed up
2. i have to drop those people
3. i don't care what anyone thinks anymore
4. i'm still waiting for that someone
5. i wonder how long i'll be waiting

.........such is life

every time someone fails to give me what i want them to, i have to focus more on myself. i was really hoping something would happen with this guy, but it's okay. i'm buying my year pass to the rec tomorrow (i don't care if everyone goes to 24, i feel cozy at the rec). my hair is being done in two weeks, i just got my dream toms, and i'm ordering this stuffff from urban right now. bettering myself replaces what i didn't get from someone else. you really can't depend on others for your happiness and i'm not saying that in a bitter way. more like in a factual way.

Senior Life

being a senior,

is how i told myself it would be. i knew this year would be the one without unnecessary heart break, and the one where i'm working hard and fast toward my future. i knew i would be away from the people i had been surrounded by more often but that is okay. i still have my amazing friends and i still have fun all the time. it's a busy year. i'm so much more defined than i was sophomore year, and i'm so much smarter than i was junior year. i've learned about being hurt, lied to, lied about, social and personal aspects of life. now i can learn medical terms and memorize the pastry list at kneaders. i can enjoy and appreciate people for who they are. and i can enjoy the world so much.