Lagoon Day and What it's Like in my Brain

The start of this weekend did not go according to plan. I had a really bad night on Friday and didn't fall asleep until 5:30 AM. My anxiety was at an all time high. My thoughts were making me feel so uncomfortable that I felt like I couldn't contain how I was feeling inside my body. The feeling of immense fear, self-loathing, and worry for the future was absolutely overwhelming. I honestly felt like everybody in my life was going to abandon me. Luckily I have learned that just because I am having a thought does NOT mean it is true.

The next morning the sky was blue and it was a beautiful day for a fresh start. I talked things over with my husband and said a prayer. It was time to go to Lagoon with my dad and step mom. Of course I didn't really feel like going after only having two hours of sleep, but I knew it would be a good thing to do. At Lagoon I talked to my dad and brother about what I was dealing with and they were both very loving and nonjudgemental. At this point I had talked to some of the most important people in my life and what do you know, none of them abandoned me! One thing I have learned is that I can prove my destructive thoughts wrong intentionally by expressing them, and not burying them.

Then today I went to church and taught the 4 year olds as a sub. I am so grateful I was able to do that. I felt the Spirit and the love of Heavenly Father strong today. I know we are all meant to experience contrast as a part of this life, and as dark as it feels at times, I have felt the light equally as often.

Our Last Summer in Pleasant Grove

Ryan and I are trying to make the best of the time we have before we move to California. We are spending time with our friends and family and appreciating the home we have here in Pleasant Grove, Utah. This town has a lot of really wonderful things to offer. The mountains are right next to us, there are tons of adorable houses to look at, beautiful plant life, delicious restaurants, and friendly people. We have been lucky to live here in a basement apartment of my cousin's house. Living here has enabled us to build a savings and be able to travel to some really neat places.

I have started taking pictures around town to remember what living here was like. I started at Strawberry Days where Ryan and I had fresh strawberry shakes from Taco Amigo. They are THE BEST strawberry shakes in all the world, guaranteed.

There are more photos to be taken around town, but here are some adventure photos from the last couple of months. Ryan and I have made it a priority (as it should be) to spend time with our favorite people doing the things we love most! 

We had a Romero girls trip to Midway that was so much fun.

We spent some family time riding horses, eating, playing games, and camping at my mom's good friend Jamie's farm.

Ryan graduated with his master's in mechanical engineering! He has been working HARD to finish his thesis while at the same time continuing to stay sane and enjoy life. :)

A weekend trip to Saint George for some sunshine and to see The Little Mermaid.

Camping at Smith and Morehouse with friends. The weather in the Uinta's is always so unpredictable but it is always worth the trip!

More family time!

Riding the motorcycle around town.

..TO BE CONTINUED..

Some Things I saw On Runs

I love long runs. My favorite part about them is finding myself surrounded by such a beautiful world that I can hardly believe it is real. The sky, the mountains, and the plants, always amaze me. I haven't taken very many pictures along my runs this year, but I have a few.

I love running but I also know it's time for me to do some other forms of exercise as well. Keeping the same habits will give me the same results. I'm ready for some leveling up in life. I know how to run (kind of), but there is so much more I could be doing for my personal health and fitness.

I think this means I need to do the things all the self-help podcasts that I'm obsessed with are telling me to do.

My mom is exactly TWICE my age (for now)

My mother turned 50 this year, which I'd say is noteworthy. She has been a genuinely great mom all these years. Although I don't think she necessarily tried to protect me from all my own bad decisions since I was a teenager, she has always given me a safe environment to come home to. And not trying to protect me from everything in life ultimately has made me into the person I am now, which I am grateful for. She never put her adult problems onto me as a child, or made me feel like we were in some sort of unstable situation, which in reality we probably were sometimes.

As an adult when I have come to her frustrated about something she may have done or not done for me when I was younger, she has had the humility and self-awareness to say "I'm sorry. I know how that must have affected you." That is significant because I know many parents who don't have the ability to just say they are sorry without dishing out excuses for their behaviors.

She taught me to really value family relationships and also the importance of friendships. She taught me how to maintain and appreciate a clean house! She showed me how fun it can be to give and that it is okay to be confident in who you are. She has also been endlessly supportive of my life choices, even when they don't match up with hers. I don't think that has always been easy for her, but that just shows her willingness and desire to understand and support those around her.

Let's just all cross our fingers that I can look as good as her at 50.

Utah Valley Marathon

This year's marathon didn't go as planned. I trained better for this race than I have the last two. I wrote out my training plan for every day leading up to race day. I ran more miles total that I ever have in preparing for something. I cut soda completely from my diet. I was ready.

Then I got a cold and my period the day before the race. I didn't sleep well at all the week leading up to the race. My body was shutting down. I told myself it didn't matter and I'd just get through it anyway, which I did. But I didn't do as well as I know I could have.

I had to stop multiple times just to make sure I wasn't bleeding too much. This added about 25 minutes to my total time. I was feeling so agitated for the first 16 miles of the race because I wanted to beat my PR. It was really important to me. And I would have, had I not been periodically trying to make sure I wasn't having any embarrassing moments along the road.

I didn't feel much of a runner's high until about mile 17. Up until then I wondered if the whole race was just going to feel like a chore and a disappointment. I was trying to cut the negative talk by telling myself "You KNOW you are going to finish this race." But I didn't care about finishing. I already knew I could do that. I wanted to do BETTER than I did before.

Then at mile 17 I realized I was feeling okay. Miles 17-20 have periodically been very difficult for me. But I felt okay. Miles 17-26 were actually really decent. I didn't cramp up. My legs definitely felt at their end a couple times and I took it slow, but over all I had a lot more strength at the end of this race than I did at the last two marathons I did. And considering this race had less elevation loss and was over-all more difficult, I felt good knowing I at least could measure some progression in that regard. 

I didn't PR today, which was disappointing. But I crossed the finish line, and I did it while my body was in a weaker state than it normally is. Sometimes things don't go like you think they will.

Now I can just move on and do better at the next marathon. :)