1 AM Blogging

So... blogging on my phone isn't exactly the ideal way to extract my thoughts but it is one in the AM and my brain is overfilling so here I am.

It might just be the pressure of the migraine being covered up by pain killers that is pushing all my thoughts out the door because now that I sit here wide awake I'm not even sure where to begin.

This last year I have struggled time and time again with confidence issues. I can root back to several occurrences that might have made this a real setback in my life but the more important thing is that I have been overcoming my insecurities and learning to trust and love myself like I used to. For the first time in ages I feel proud of my personal life goals and confident I will achieve them. I am not lessening myself to any other persons path. I feel worthy, credible, smart and interesting. I feel like I can appreciate others for who they are without putting myself below them. I trust myself. I know myself. I know what I will allow in my life and what I won't. I look forward to the future and know it is a good one because I put myself in the best positions I can everyday. I feel loved, and I love with all of my heart the people in my life and this whole world.

I feel comfortable in my own skin. I never realized how important that concept was until I didn't feel comfortable with myself.

I am feeling like a positive human being. How simple but how important.

Alice in Wonderland



Classic



CLASSIC

Videos



Old short that still gives me chills

More Videos



Pulls on my soul strings.

What I Miss

I need to hurry and blog this while I feel it sharply.

I don't miss high school. I would never want to go back. But I have an ache in my stomach for all the memories and friends that were once a part of the daily life. It's so different now. Reuniting with old friends is fun but it will never be the same as it was when we were little tikes. I miss my friends, our sleepovers and talks about life, boys and Harry potter. I miss haileys bug. I miss breakfast at Sarah's. I miss me and Alyx almost hating each other because we had to be together everyday. I miss meeting up with the guys. I miss staying out all night torturing myself with tiredness just so I could stay with the group. I miss all the mistakes I made. I miss how annoying we all were. I miss my expressiveness.

 I miss sitting on the edge of the bed I am in now taunting Ryan that I would touch his computer screen and get finger prints on it. I miss him showing me music and then watching a favorite movie with him. I miss our trips to ikea and the concerts we went to. I miss our talks. I miss hurting for him because I could never have him. All of this in high school before we ever even hit the surface of our relationship.

 I miss how big everything felt.

Summer List

Halfway Through the Summer

Olympus
Timp
Work out everyday
Be healthy
Bryce Canyon
Seattle
Skydive
Yoga once a week
Mountain bike weekends
Camp
Concerts
Make new friends
Lots of packages and letters for Ryan

Whether I go to Puerto Rico this year or not..

The Hobit comes out December 14th which means I get to view it from London.
Now there is something to look forward to.

I have felt itchy and slightly lost lately. I want travel, I want beautiful things. Things that are all so expensive and out of my grasp. I have been trying to control the uncontrollable. Instead, I think I will go to the library and embrace this gray day.