Inspiration

"Let there  be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another your bread but eat not from the sane loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak  tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

- Khalil Gibran

S U M M E R

My mind is taunted by the thought of this summer. Oh my this summer. To be working and running around the mountains and the city. My mind is taunted by the thought of Ryan's farewell. It's taunted by the thought of how I am possibly going to fill in all of the space between us with a pen and paper. It is taunted by snowboarding, by climbing, by running, by health. It is taunted by this French thing. My mind is taunted by location. Location location location. It is taunted by my goals and the steps I take daily to reach them. My mind is taunted by a need for a live band playing so loudly I cannot hear my own thoughts. It is taunted by Ryan's return....in two years. Two years of distance. Two years of growing. My mind is taunted by these exact things every morning I wake up until I am asleep again.

Am I Depressed?

Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.
Sad.

Obviously I'm doing something wrong. I don't believe in the idea of "I'll be happy when..." I believe in finding happiness in my current situation. But my current situation was my current situation five months ago. I really need a change. I need it so bad. I can't live like this anymore. The only thing I look forward to everyday is running. When I'm done running I don't know what to do with myself. SUU has educated me and I have become a more healthy person. I have discovered new music and bought some new clothes. But my schedule remains. I eat, study, workout, and sleep. I am lonely all the time and I don't know where to go. It feels like I am tied to this campus. There is nothing outside of it. I miss being able to drive to my moms and cry in her arms. I miss my best friends. I am failing at keeping myself happy. I'm failing at being okay with being alone. I want to go home.