Reading and Reading

My blog has been seeing a lot of me lately. I have been reading and reading. My head is filled with pages I have read and books I want to read. I am grateful for the time to read. I just need to do more. I go to the gym everyday..but I feel lazy. I have no schedule, no means of waking up earlier than ten, just no plans. Tomorrow I am waking up to the sun, like always. This time, though, I'm going to get up instead of staying in at the remembrance of my failed attempt of having a someone. I am going to get ready and drive to that yoga studio I have been wanting to join. Afterwards me and Sparks are going on a hike and it will be lovely. I am finishing my new resume and getting my letters of recommendation. I am tuning my college schedule and staying on track.
Underlying my current lifestyle and my needs are my crazy emotions. I'm not going to pretend like I don't watch Sex and the City every morning and take my endless time doing nothing before I do anything real. Just a month ago I was itching to move if I was ever stuck in a moment of soft pace. I had something and now I don't. It wasn't my choice; it wasn't my decision at all. He doesn't text me anymore. I'm pretty sure that is the smallest means of communication there is. So it's gone. He said it would be the same, but it isn't the same. It was there and now it is gone. Oh well, I'm still very much alive, but a part of me is incredibly solemn and I can't help it. This feeling is here and I have to accept it. I can't cover up sadness with agitation; I tried. I need to let myself feel this while at the same time making progress. Progress begins tomorrow.

Small Memories

Because I do not want to forget these small memories:
Yesterday, my grandpa slipped in the perfect John Denver quote while he was explaining the history and quietness of the small town, Koosharem. "Life is old here." I smiled but kept listening. "...Older than the hills." That's when I burst out laughing. This is why I love my grandpa. An hour or so after arriving in the town we went on a magnificent boat ride on Fish Lake. It was just me, my dad, Michelle, my Grandpa Doug, and my Great Uncle Jeff. Jeff's boat is small, with a motor, and we putted along the lake under a dark, cloudy sky. It was beautiful. I just kept imagining what it would be like to scuba dive there. It has been a serious fantasy of mine for awhile. It would be the most fantastically eerie experience. All the pine trees on the mountain south of the lake just kill me.
That night I went to sleep in what Scooby and the Gang would consider a normal atmosphere. For those of you who don't know, which I'm assuming is everyone in the world, Koosharem is practically a ghost town. My ancestors built this house a hundred years ago and we were staying in it. So there I was, laying in a living room that could have been filled with ghosts, though I'm sure Hatch's don't hang around after death (my dad's funny but true words). It was extremely windy outside by now and rain was hitting the roof. I turned to my book and soon fell asleep. I found comfort in everything that night.
This morning on my way to Cedar City the sunrise was as wicked as any. Everywhere was rolling hills and pastures. The Postal Service kept my imagination flowing through it and I was just happy. Happy and content.

Being Prideful

Really. 
I don’t get it. You seriously think Harry Potter is over with the last movie premiere? Really? That was the end? The “end” was four years ago when the seventh book came out. Do you really believe that something as incredible as this series dies with the last movie? Maybe for people who didn’t read the books it is over.. Harry Potter is going to be a classic. We aren’t the special generation that got to behold this tale and now it is buried in the ground. It is so much more than I think many people realize.

Rant

Refer back to that post I made ages ago..the one about how relationships are pointless and don't try one on me? Yeah, that one. Just like that but instead of angry I am expectantly remorseful.

I want to say this while I am feeling it strongly. The things that used to make me happy do not work anymore. I am growing everyday and my environment just isn't catching up with me fast enough. So thank goodness SUU has a dorm waiting for me! I am so relieved that I will soon be gone. I love Salt Lake, but my current life is not working for me. I feel unaccomplished and bleh. There is a hole in my stomach and I would like that filled.

Painting Memories

Let me paint my memories onto this blog through words. I was eight years old and my mom's cousin, Collin, was living in our basement. He was just out of high school and an obvious brain. My mom had been carrying around these books for, maybe weeks, maybe months, and I had no idea what they were. It wasn't until I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire sitting on her dresser that I took a real interest. To me, it looked like a book about a nerdy witch-girl who was happily living in fantasy world. Yes, I thought Harry Potter was a girl by the cover illustration.

One night, Collin decided he was going to read The Sorcerer's Stone to me. I'm not sure but I'm assuming he read a chapter or so a night. He gave me the most entertaining impersonations of all the characters and I was absolutely enthralled by the story. After he finished, I was obsessed. Eight years old and I was buying Harry Potter sticker books and calendars from my school's scholastic reading log. I was given a wand and between me and my friends we took turns being Hermione or Ginny. I remember wishing on everything that I could be eleven so that I could go to Hogwarts. Don't even get me started on how hyper I was the night I saw the first movie in theaters. Every line they said that I specifically remembered from the book I repeated into my moms ear excitedly and could not stay in my seat. I continued to listen to the next three books on tape whenever I was in the car with my mom. Jim Dale, I thank you. I listened and imagined with my little girl comprehension of what I was being told. Let me not forget to add my addiction to the Sorcerer's Stone video game. I have NEVER cared for video games. It just took me to Hogwarts and I've always been a nerd so I loved it.

Eventually, I read the other three as they were handed to me. My mom bought the fifth book right when it came out years later. After she was finished (probably took her a good hour to read the whole thing), it was my turn. I read the fifth book slowly, but got every detail in. My brother was always one book behind me, and I remember us being absolutely glued to the books on a National Park trip one summer, me to the fifth and him to the fourth. I was still reading it when the sixth book came out. Finally, the seventh was almost on its way to the book store. My mom had it preordered so I didn't have to worry about getting it on time. She read it, then it was my turn. The weekend I read The Deathly Hallows was one of the most memorable of my life. Not only did I have the secrets to the world in my hands, but my extended, fabulous family was about to spend the weekend together in Monroe. My second cousins had just built this fantastic house out there. They have those really sweet winding stairs that lead to a loft right at the top of their house. That is where I finished the book. I remember exactly how I was feeling during my discoveries and at the end of the story. What a feeling.

I have since read the book twice more and am currently reading The Half Blood Prince for my own mind tweaking. What an amazing light this series has brought to my life; it really is one I can't describe.

This post is meant for thanking the people who gave Harry Potter to me: My mom, for providing me with all seven books and a shared passion for Harry Potter, Collin, for taking the time to read the book to me in the first place, Jim Dale, for being the voices before they were given to actors and guiding my strange imagination along, and of course JK Rowling, for existing and writing this series. <3

Red Carpet Fan Girling

Gorgeous. Emma Watson is gorgeous. Make-up: AMAZING. Dress: FANTASTIC. It is only because of her and Anastasia that I can accept my natural hair color as pretty. lol

Let's just say I am in love with all four of these men. 

DIALOGUE

"Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You do remember the shape and color of Lily Evan's eyes, I am sure?"
"DON'T!" bellowed Snape. "Gone...Dead..."
"Is this remorse, Severus?"
"I wish...I wish I were dead..."
"And what use would that be to anyone?" said Dumbledore coldly. "If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear."
Snape seemed to peer through a haze of pain, and Dumbledore's words appeared to take a long time to reach him.
"What- what do you mean?"
"You know how and why she died. make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son."
"He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone-"
"The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does."
There was a long pause, and slowly Snape regained control of himself, mastered his own breathing. At last he said, "Very well. Very well. But never- never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear- especially Potter's son...I want your word!"
"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape's ferocious, anguished face. "If you insist..."

When I read this part for the first time I literally stared at the page with my jaw dropped for like a whole minute, then I took a look back through the entire series restringing it together with my newly acquired knowledge.
--
"I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter's son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter-"
"But this is touching, Severus," said Dumbledore seriously. "Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"
"For him?" shouted Snape. "Expecto Patronum!"
From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe: She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
"After all this time?"
"Always," said Snape.

"My Lord-"
"The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner. You killed Albus Dumbledore. While you live, Severus, the Elder Wand cannot be truly mine."
"My Lord!" Snape protested, raising his wand.
"It cannot be any other way," said Voldemort. "I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand, and I master Potter at last."
And Voldemort swiped the air with the Elder Wand. It did nothing to Snape, who for a split second seemed to think he had been reprieved: But then Voldemort's intention became clear. The snake's cage was rolling through the air, and before Snape could do anything more than yell, it had encased him, head and shoulders, and Voldemort spoke in Parseltongue.
"Kill."
There was a terrible scream. Harry saw Snape's face losing the little color it had left; it whitened as his black eyes widened, as the snake's fangs pierced his neck, as he failed to push the enchanted cage off himself, as his knees gave way and he fell to the floor.
"I regret it," said Voldemort coldly.

All spells used in Chapter 35 of The Order of the Phoenix (Harry and the gang fighting Death Eaters for the Prophecy in the Ministry)
Stupefy! Tarantallegra! Protego! Accio (Prophecy/Brain/Wand)! Petrifuc Totalus! Crucio! Diffindo! (a personal favorite) Colloportus! Silencio! Impedimenta! Expelliarmus! Alohomora! Reducto!

"He can't come back, Harry," said Lupin, his voice breaking as he struggled to contain Harry. "He can't come back because he's d-"
"HE-IS-NOT-DEAD!" roared Harry. "SIRIUS!"
---
"Come out, come out, little Harry!" she called in her mock-baby voice, which echoed off the polished wooden floors. "What did you come after me for, then? I thought you were here to avenge my dear cousin!"
"I am!" shouted Harry, and a score of ghostly Harrys seemed to chorus I am! I am! I am! all around the room.
"Aaaaah...did you love him, little baby Potter?"
Hatred rose in Harry such as he had never known before. He flung himself out from behind the fountain and bellowed "Crucio!"
Bellatrix screamed. The spell had knocked her off her feet, but she did not writhe and shriek with pain as Neville had- she was already on her feet again, breathless, no longer laughing. Harry dodged behind the golden fountain again- her counterspell hit the head of the handsome wizard, which was blown off and landed twenty feet away, gouging long scratches into the wooden floor.
"Never used an Unforgivable Curse before, have you, boy?" she yelled. She had abandoned her baby voice now. "You need to mean them, Potter! You need to really want to cause pain- to enjoy it- righteous anger won't hurt me for long- I'll show you how it is done, shall I? I'll give you a lesson-"

Though I'm done

Can you hear the words I sung?

You always say you know
How could I let you go?

Here's what's happening. I am in love with Madonna from the eighties. I am in love with the Edge of Glory music video. I want to go to a jazz club in New York. I want to shop like Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City. I want to live in connected housing on a hill. I want to wonder the park and jump the cross walk. I want pure romance.
Give it to Me

Truths
I currently spend around $30 per week on my skin
I use most of my thought energy on my hair processes
Most of my goals are life long
I thoroughly embrace the universe
I constantly compare and contrast situations -- I could expand
When it comes to my belongings, I tend to become repetitive with organizing and it is hard to stop
Guilt easily makes its way to my soul
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind literally made me sick to my stomach
I accept others' perceptions of this world and I love hearing them
I will not settle
My releases are also what I strive to be better in
I can't sleep right now because I need Lady Gaga's music like I need water

We Can Dance

We can dance if we want to

(A "today" post)

Everything I needed in this day. Errrrthang.

Working Harder

Have you ever wanted something so bad you went without friends and sunshine for days at a time in the summer to obtain it? Here I am working every single day from three until eleven so I can get my camera. If I had known how to save my money I could have done it over a more extended period of time, but I'm still learning. I am working non stop and at this rate by August 1st it will be in my hands. I have already payed my housing deposit for college and I have all the clothes I could ever need..(thank you parents). I feel good about working for it. It will mean so much more when it's mine. I literally dream about this camera and have been craving it for too long. Now I am on my way to work for the sixth day this week and it is worth every hour.