Lennyx

According to F. Scott Fitzgerald, "doubt that triggers immediate disbelief and rejection of an idea" is a sign of feeble intelligence: The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

I could quote my uncle Deryl on my blog everyday. Here's the thought for tonight.
To expand on this, I recently discovered a lot of issues I had been building up and masking over the years about the Mormon religion. I grew up with it, felt pressured by the church, and backed away. My parents were both actively members until they divorced when I was eight. After that they both stopped going and never told me why; I never asked or cared to ask. Isn't it strange, though? Until I was fourteen I would attend church on and off as I moved from house to house. Sometimes I enjoyed it, sometimes I didn't. I remember more so than anything being told how my future was going to be, my roles as a woman, and what I could and couldn't do. I can't say I ever built up a real testimony of the church but I have never let God out of my life. 
Now that I have been considering which classes I am interested in for college, I have found I am deeply entertained by world religions. Humanities showed me religions and practices I was never aware of. If I can and want to openly read another religion's sacred text, why should I reject the Book of Mormon? How can I say I am an open minded person when I am prejudice about the church I have been baptized into? That doesn't make sense. Now, I am not saying I have been filled with complete rejection and denial of the church. I have attended sacrament meeting twice in the last two months for family events and I loved the talks. A friend of mine just showed me that I have been depending on other people's testimony's my entire life; I need to figure it out for myself. Faith is something I find myself lacking in. I am in extreme need of spiritual and religious clarity...I just need to be closer to God. I need to find him and eventually somebody to share my zen with. I cannot let my surroundings be the deciding factor of my choice because I know it will never work.