August 17th 2016

Our wedding day was one of the most sacred and important days of my life. I married the person I had been attached to at the soul for a long time.

I married the kid who asked me to junior prom. The kid who I went to Ikea with after school one day when we realized we both wanted the same shelf for our rooms. The same kid who I would dodge in the halls at school after we stopped dating because it was weird. I married the kid who took me snow boarding and showed me Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service. I married the kid who gave me the best 'first kiss' I've ever had.

I married the guy I shared my personal growth with on so many levels, the guy who I would sit in my car and talk to for hours; the guy I could cry to about my deepest concerns. I married the guy I said goodbye to on June 20th 2012 as he left to serve his mission. I married the guy I called from England on Christmas morning to tell him I wanted to serve too. I married the guy who watched me as I went from a girl with little faith and no religion, to one who would live for what I believe and know to be true.

I married the guy that I wrote for 2 years and 9 months. I married the guy that would send me voice recorded tapes and tell me about his week, and I would do the same. I married the guy that I didn't know if I'd be with when I came home from my mission. The one who I cried over, and who cried over me.

And I married the man who came back to me. The one who said he was sorry, and that he missed me. I married the man that I said sorry to. I married the man who told me I was amazing for reasons I couldn't see. I married the man who made me feel at home whenever I was with him. I married the man who told me countless times how much he loves my family, and who appreciated their quirks the same way that I do. I married the man who let me lean on him when I was breaking down, and who told me that I can do and be anything that I want to be.

The morning of our wedding I had no idea what it was going to feel like inside the Temple. Our temple recommends ended up being in Taylorsville when we were in Provo ready to get married. I knew it would be okay, but the tears were coming anyway. I wanted to marry Ryan so badly, and I was so ready. The temple workers were so incredibly kind and helpful and assured both of us that we'd be getting married that morning. Ryan's cousin Kylie was amazing and brought our recommends to the temple for us so we could proceed. They had us go into the celestial room and wait for a little while. I have never been so close to heaven as I was during this time. Ryan and I were so happy and the mutual feeling we shared of actually being at the place we were is indescribable.

Being sealed to Ryan was sacred and beautiful. Having so many of our family members and our best friends with us sharing in the moment was overwhelming. Our sealer was the sweetest man. I honestly don't know how to explain what it was like. It was Heaven.

I know that what we did is forever. I know that God's hand is in our marriage and relationship.

The rest of the day was so much fun and I just couldn't believe all of the love and support we received from everybody we love so much. But our sealing took the cake. Every time I think back to it I feel so much warmth come over me. Being sealed to Ryan is God's greatest gift to me.

The Best Time of Year

It is October. One of the great months of the year. Ryan and I love this month. The first October he and I were together is one of my most magical and cherished times, and I'm always looking to get that change-of-season-crisp-colorful-slightly-spookie-warm-fall-time feeling. 

So how do we celebrate the changing colors of the leaves and significantly shorter daylight hours?

First, we LOVE movies. We love Tim Burton and Henry Selick directed movies. We like to watch the things like Nightmare Before Christmas, Coraline, Edward Scissorhands, Frankenweenie, Paranorman, Corpse Bride, etc. Very genre specific. Ryan loves actually scary movies... but me, not so much. So we stick with animated pseudo horror and it keeps us both happy.

How else do we embrace the season? Well, there's pumpkin steamers (SO, SO sweet but SO, SO yummy), pumpkin and autumn scented candles in our home, walks on the pipeline trail in Milcreek Canyon, runs through our tree-rich neighborhood, haunted 5k's (photos to come), and Witches Night Out at Gardner Village. That last one is for me and the women in my family. I can't WAIT.

There is also music. I was reading some autumn playlists on different blogs and it inspired me to think of mine. I decided to put together a more Halloween specific playlist. Music that gives me the Halloween vibe. So here it is:

Aliens Exist- Blink 182

Lonely Town- Brandon Flowers

Spaceman- The Killers

Skin of the Night- M83

Stay Young, Go Dancing- Death Cab for Cutie

The Shade- Metric

Grand Hotel- Regina Spektor

Running With the Boys- Lights

Nightlight- Silversun Pickups

So there you have it. I'll try to document this beautiful time as much as I can.

Men Are That They Might Have Joy

General Conference 

October 2016

Here is one of the thoughts from conference this fall. My spirits are lifted and I feel so inspired to really be the best version of myself that I can be, and more than anything to be HAPPY.

"Life is filled with detours and dead ends; trials and challenges of every kind. Yet, we are here to have joy? Yes!"

"Saints can be happy under every circumstance.. We can feel joy no matter what is going on in our lives."

"When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation.. and Jesus’ gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives.  Joy comes from and because of Him.  He is the source of all joy."

"When we feel the atonement working in our lives we will feel JOY."

- Elder Russel M. Nelson

My Fairy Tale

When I was 17, my friend Alyx asked me if I'd ever marry Ryan. She asked casually in our senior art class. Ryan and I were dating, but not seriously. I told her yes. I would.

And I did it 6 years later! After going to colleges 3 hours apart, going on missions at different times, hundreds of emails and letters, a few breakups, a few heartbreaks, and a lot of amazing times, we made it.

Our first trip as a solo couple. We weren't even engaged yet. Zion National Park.

Family Trip to Southern Utah

Oregon / Seattle Pre-marriage trip

This was taken before the M83 concert. 

Day 15.

When I first started doing this I wasn't planning to cut dairy because my main goal was to not need refined/ processed sugary foods to live.. and I'm not trying to starve myself. But I haven't had dairy since like day 2 so add that to the list of what I'm not eating right now! I feel good. I'm not craving sugar. It feels a lot more mental at this point. I miss sweet things because they are so dear to my heart and I can't have them in my life right now. But I don't NEED them.

This practice is really teaching me how much control I have over myself and my mentality.

Today I went to a restaurant and had a garden omelette that actually tasted amazing. Yes I am eating poultry. In fact poultry may be the thing keeping me going. I had the chance to see my amazing great grandmother and so of course I took it. It's really easy to order healthy and tasty when I go out. But the company was what really mattered. My great aunt, my mom, and my great grandma? I am so blessed!

Day 10.

It is the end of my 10th day of no sugar, no processed food, and no red meat or pork. It has been harder than the first 5 days. I have had moments where I want sugar so bad that I just feel miserable. But I am still going! I've actually lost 5 pounds at this point which is pretty cool. I needed dessert so bad tonight that I had to go to the store and buy pineapple for something, ANYTHING sweet. Most of my breakfasts have consisted of smoothies with a mix of strawberries, peaches, pineapple, blueberries, spinach, and whatever else I can come up with. I have been having some kind of grain for lunch like wheat bread or oats with peanut butter and/or wheat crackers with hummus. For dinner I've been doing chicken and some kind of veggie.

Oh! And I have been running one mile up and down hills and doing a 30 minute yoga session every day after work, and drinking plenty of water.

I'm feeling good, but it comes at a cost! Just tonight I had to turn down ice cream cake AND s'mores!!

It's a total trade-off, but I'm feeling a great sense of self control.

This is me Trying..

No Sugar. Day 5. 

I want to write every 5 days about how my "no sugar" experiment is going. It has been about 3 1/2 years since I have tried any kind of specific diet. I used to have food issues and get so upset with myself every time I ate something unhealthy, and I would constantly think about it and not be able to sleep if I thought I'd eaten too much that day. I got over all of that sometime in the last 6 months of my mission due to a lack of control in what I was fed, learning about what really matters in life, and finally letting go.

Since then I have still tried to maintain a good diet, eating lots of fruits and veggies and drinking tons of water. But I haven't cut anything out. I have kept everything on the table because I didn't want to be worrying all the time about what pop tarts or pizza were doing to my body.

I still don't want to worry so much about those things. I still want to be able to feel comfortable enough with myself to allow myself to enjoy food.

But. I am at a place right now where I feel ready to let myself be better. I feel ready and capable of replacing junk foods and quick fixes with holistic options, and to prepare my own food instead of going out all the time.

I don't want to depend on bad sugars and processed foods for my energy to live. I want to live at a higher state and have more self control!! So 5 days ago I decided I was going to cut out all sugar and processed foods. I love chocolate too much to keep this up forever, so I am just doing it for 30 days. But at the end of the 30 days I still want to replace junk food with better, homemade foods. There are so many holistic replacements for any kind of craving, and I want to get into the habit of choosing the better thing instead of the easy thing.

So far I have felt slightly fatigued, but mostly happy and in control. I've been eating plenty of delicious meals and snacks because just cutting out sugar and processed food  leaves room for other really great things!!

I'm also not eating red meat and pork, which is pretty typical of me to do when I am paying close attention to my health.

So here I am at the beginning of this journey, and I'm hoping to become more in control of myself and to gain a higher confidence and energy level because of it!