this belongs on mine and alyx's tumblr but i'm posting it here because i'm proud of the way i got it out in words.

day six: your favorite season

this subject bores me because i’ve thought about it too much. all my life i’ve thought about it. my favorite season is fall because of the colors. and because halloween is in fall. i love the leaves in the canyons and on the ground. i love the perfect excuse for tea and the transformation everyone can feel going on. i love the atmosphere it gives for viewing my favorite movies, which are mostly gray and twisted. my favorite season is winter because of the snow. also because of the desire it brings for a warm fireplace. most of my fantasies are thought up in the winter. going to a jazz hall with that boy and going back home to watch the snow and dance around to it afterwards…sigh. i love the spirit and the movies i’m allowed to watch in the early season. santa clause is coming to town and all the classics. i love snowboarding snowboarding snowboarding. my favorite season is spring because of the warmth. i love the fresh mornings and the memories i can relive of waking up to the train at five when i would sleep at my grandma’s. i love the flowers and being reminded of the color green again. i love the state of comfort at school and the rainy days. my favorite season is summer because of the fun. i love the pool and the lake. i love the trip to california and the sand getting in the crevices of my camera every time. i love sitting in the street bare foot and still feeling clean. i love liberty park and the excessive excuses for fireworks. i love the concerts and the snow cones. i love the new possibility of everyday. every season is just the best season (: 

OK GO
needing/getting
i want you i want you, yeah i want you bad
so bad i can't think straight so bad all my bones shake so bad i can't breath
cheeks a little rosy in the February air
all is not lost, all is not lost
and there was no end to things. and no one tried to measure what they knew.. and the sky was still honestly blue.
WTF?
you'll never get that taste out of your mouth
and it's end love the sky is falling, the sky is falling
this too shall pass

embrace yourself

why is it so hard
for me to do what i want to do without somebody making me feel completely inferior, or like what i am isn't what i should be. maybe it's myself seeing me this way. i just really wish i had no need for anything primitive; like food. it sounds ridiculous. i don't understand though how some people seem to have the perfect balance in life. i want that balance so bad, i obsess over it. i want to cleanse, detox, exercise, and create. i want to let go of complication and anything unnecessary. somehow i can't ever seem to be good enough for myself. i can't like a guy, i can't eat a hamburger, i can't let myself go. i need to tighten my screws until i can look at myself without judging everything i am.

Happy Christmas,

one: i love God
two: i know what i believe, and what makes me happy
three: believe what you will, i accept it
four: i love all people, in all religious and non religious lights
five: i do not believe in scrutinizingly opposing another because of their beliefs
six: i MORE-SO do not believe in going on negatively about what you know nothing of
seven: it isn't right to put another's God down
eight: i wasn't offended by your belief, i was offended by your insulting the person i find most sacred
nine: in all subjects and differences in people, it is about acceptance and not opposition.
ten: if someone is happy, and not hurting others, why would you try to tell them they are wrong?