Thank You

    I am sitting here to write down some of my thoughts as I am still processing my pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experience. I need to say thank you to the people who were unbelievably supportive to me while I was going through this life event. 

    The first person who comes to mind is my stepmom, Michelle. She supported me emotionally and in practical, logistical ways throughout my pregnancy and postpartum. She calmed my nerves when I would tell her I was worried my baby wouldn't be healthy and it would be my fault for not eating right. She put together the bulk of my baby registry and recruited gift advice from mothers in the family. She came to California 3 TIMES before I gave birth, and my dad came twice. They helped us reorganize our home, set up furniture, wash baby clothes, purchase needed items, etc. They also made freezer meals and freezer snacks for us to have once the baby arrived. After I gave birth, Michelle made sure I was hydrated and fed, and she put my hair up for me, which was knotted and messy from pushing for 2 and 1/2 hours. She came over to our apartment in the mornings and watched River so I could sleep for a couple hours until he needed to be fed. My dad helped by holding River and letting him sleep on him for hours while I went out with Ryan for a couple of breaks. Both my dad and Michelle ran errands for us and made purchases of every little thing we needed during that time period. Michelle took me to get a massage, to get my nails done, and to the chiropractor. And she made River a beautiful quilt. My dad and Michelle then came back to California a few weeks after I gave birth to help AGAIN. 

    I then have to thank my mom for also supporting me through that time. She offered a listening ear for me to vent all of my pregnancy experiences to. She offered understanding and encouragement through my struggles. She supported my pregnancy and birth related decisions along the way. She planned a beautiful baby shower for me in Utah. She purchased maternity clothing for me. When I was in labor she came to the hospital in the middle of the night and got no sleep while waiting for me to give birth. She gave me a head massage while I was in pain and struggling. She held up my leg for basically hours while I pushed, which was a workout in itself. She made sure to take photos of the birth so we could save those memories. Gideon was with my mom and supported in many ways such as driving my mom around and also buying things we needed, like a "Baby on Board" sign for our car. They also purchased groceries for us. And Gideon took many photos of River for us to cherish. 

    Then of course my mother-in-law, Karine. She was at my aid during the first trimester when I was extremely sick with migraines and nausea. She guided me with how to handle the first trimester and bought me all the simple snacks I would need to eat while I could barely keep food down. She took me shopping and bought me maternity clothes. She supported me through a breakdown when I was fighting the fact that I would have to give birth and I didn't want to. She attended an OB appointment with me to help me make decisions when I went over my due date. She also cleaned our bathtub for us and washed our bedding. She and my father-in-law spent almost two weeks with us and we did many activities while waiting for River to be born. She also took me to get a massage. Then my in-laws came back a month later to help us and spend time with us again.

    All of them supported me as I cried in my early postpartum days when I was in pain from nursing and could barely stand to have a shirt on. I was so tired I could barely get by day to day and I couldn't have done it without their help. 

    My amazing friends were also there with me whether in person or spirit through the whole experience. I hesitate to name them because all of my friends were an amazing support and I don't want to leave any names out. I am SO thankful to have the most amazing friends in the world. You know who you are. Even my friends who I never saw in person during pregnancy but we shared messages and experiences were such a help and support. 

     I was very lucky to have incredibly loving nurses and midwives in the hospital. They made me feel respected and comfortable throughout the whole experience. A huge fear of mine was having rude hospital staff and I felt nothing but love and support from everyone at the Antioch hospital.

    Before going through this myself I didn't really understand how to support a pregnant friend. Now with my lived experience I want to pay it forward for my future pregnant friends and other future pregnant women in my life. I also want to be a better support for those who suffer loss related to pregnancy and conception. I feel that the world takes pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding for granted and these things aren't appreciated enough for the HUGE DEAL that they are. Creating life is an absolute miracle. I am in awe of all of the women in my life who have gone through their own individual experiences, challenges, and in some cases serious losses that will be grieved forever. I will always be in awe.

<3

7 Year Wedding Anniversary

 Ryan and I have now been married for 7 years! But our story began about 14 years ago when we were 16. We met in high school. Ryan DM'd me on Facebook and the rest is history. I have been working on this scrap book of our life together for awhile now. It is hard to fit this much time into one book. I've only gotten as far as October 2020 so I am over 3 years behind! And the book is pretty full so I may need to stop it at the end of 2020 and start a new one. Then I have River's baby book needing to be started as well. I already bought the book and printed a ton of photos out. 

In honor of our 7th anniversary I want to share 7 of my favorite memories from our marriage so far.

1. Our first year married Ryan and I decided to spend 3 days together in Lava Hot Springs, Idaho after Christmas. It was a quiet and peaceful time where we binge-watched Freaks and Geeks and ate cookies and cream ice cream. At night we of course went to the hot springs and ate out at the local pizza restaurant, The Royal Hotel and Pizzeria. We enjoyed it so much that we decided to make it a tradition and we have gone back every year since on the day after Christmas.

2. We spent the first few years of marriage just the two of us, and we continued dating all the time. We went out to many restaurants around Utah county and really made the most out of our time living in Pleasant Grove while Ryan was at BYU. We also went to Comedy Sportz several times because Ryan loves comedy. :)

3. We have had two of the best trips ever to New York City. We went to Wicked and on a magical dinner cruise on our first trip, and on our second trip we went to the Comedy Cellar and enjoyed a surprise set by Aziz Anzari. And if that wasn't enough, Chris Rock came up after to do a set. We have also been lucky to go to Spain, France, Mexico, Boston Massachusetts, and Hawaii together.

4. Ryan came and found me when I was on the last mile of my first full marathon race. I was struggling so much by the end, not only because of the distance but the heat outside was really getting to me. He slowly jogged with me to make sure I made it to the finish line.  

5. We have been on countless camping trips together and have been to many national parks, one of our favorites being Teton National Park. I loved spending quality time hiking and playing card games together in our tent.

6. Deciding to move to California so Ryan could accept a position at the Lawerence Livermore Lab has turned out to be an adventure. We have gotten to know the Bay Area well as we have spent time exploring San Francisco and surrounding areas. Ryan has ridden his bike all around. One specific time I loved was when we went to Greyhound Rock around Davenport Beach on New Years Day 2022. We stayed for the sunset and it was beautiful.

7. Adopting our Cat Willie in 2021 gave us the chance to love an animal and it has been so rewarding. We love our cat and have had many fun moments with him.

 

Of course nothing beats the fact that our son River was born this year. Getting to see him grow every day has been the greatest privilege and we are both in love with our baby boy. I have witnessed Ryan work hard to get his degrees in mechanical engineering and then attend a program with MIT that he is currently in. I am lucky to be married to someone who works so hard and strives to be the best he can be. Ryan also loves to have fun and I am so grateful for all the adventures we have had together.

And now here are some of my favorite pages from our love story so far (up until 2020).

Those are just some of the pages we have filled with memories and there is SO much more!!! I can't wait to see what our future together brings!!! 

Work To Do

This year I received the greatest gift of my life: my baby boy River. I wouldn't trade that for anything. But pregnancy and birth left my body looking and feeling a bit beat up. I gained 50 pounds by the end of my pregnancy. My body has been left with stretch marks in several different areas. And there are other changes I won't be writing on my blog but that have left me feeling somewhat broken. I am 9 weeks postpartum and I have only lost 2 pounds in the last couple of months. I am realizing that I need to be proactive in getting my body where I want it to be. I can't get away with just eating the same amount of calories I did before pregnancy and expect the weight to shed off, because that isn't happening, even though I am breastfeeding. If anything breastfeeding might be causing my body to hold onto weight. 

Before pregnancy I would exercise a few days every week. I would go for a run or spend some time at the gym. I stopped working out when I became pregnant because I was sick and I was also nervous to exercise while growing a baby even though I knew logically it was okay. Now my body is feeling the effects of not regularly exercising for 10 months and birthing an almost 9 pound baby. I just started going to fitness classes and wow I am starting from square one. It's as if Ive never worked out a day in my life. 

I heard so much about pelvic floor exercise being important while I was pregnant but I didn't do anything special to strengthen it. Now my pelvic floor is destroyed and I understand why it was talked about so much.

Even though my body was built to grow and birth babies, it still came at a cost. Even though I was made to breastfeed, the whole first 2 months of nursing were painful and many tears were shed. But that is going much better now which gives me hope for the rest of my body. 

The funny thing is I didn't think I looked good enough before I was pregnant, and now when I see photos of myself from before I think I just looked amazing comparatively. 

I feel old and plain looking and worst of all I feel broken. I have a lot of work to do with my mindset and my body. I need to be proactive more than ever. More than ever before I can't live passively and expect to see the results I want.

Pregnancy / Baby

 

Time to document my pregnancy experience!!

I found out I was pregnant on Wednesday, September 14th 2022. I decided to take a dollar store pregnancy test on my lunch break because I was a couple days late for my period. I wasn't expecting a positive but I just felt like taking a test that day for some reason. I remember seeing the most faint double line and my heart started racing and I had butterflies in my stomach. The first thing I did was text my friend Alyx who has had multiple babies and as my lifelong friend she was the perfect person to message. I cannot keep anything to myself so I had to tell SOMEONE! If I was truly pregnant I wanted to be able to surprise Ryan somehow.

After taking an expensive test from Walgreens I knew I had to tell Ryan when he got home from work. I bought a little bucket from Target and put the positive test inside and covered it with gift tissue paper. He was NOT expecting me to be pregnant at that point. He distractedly unwrapped the gift and could not believe what was inside. We hugged and had a moment together! We were both soooooo happy and excited.  

We waited a few days to tell our parents. Again, I am not good at keeping my own news to myself. We face-timed each of them and had so much fun announcing it to everyone. We each called our close friends to tell them as well! I told my best coworker friend the morning after I found out and that was so fun. I wasn't even able to wait long before I told my boss too. 

After a couple weeks I started getting that first trimester sickness. I had several really awful hormonal migraines and I threw up a lot. I was trying to eat like normal for awhile but I realized I was only making things worse for myself and I resorted to eating crackers and apple sauce much of the time. My in-laws came to town and my mother-in-law got me simple foods to snack on and helped me navigate how to handle the first trimester sickness I was experiencing. I was so sick I had to stay home while they all went to Alcatraz. The night before we had all gone to a Giants game and I spent the majority of it puking in the public restroom. I will never forget that night because it was so miserable. 

We went to Utah and got to announce our pregnancy to the rest of our family and that was super fun. 

As a bonus thought I have to add that my dad's reaction to me being pregnant was my very favorite reaction. He teared up and got emotional and it was the sweetest thing. My friends Lauren and Danielle had my second favorite reaction, as they freaked out in unison and it was the best. :) 

Ryan and I dressed as emo for Halloween and we announced our pregnancy to his whole family at the party.

We found out we were having a BOY via blood test. It took me some time to adjust my brain to the idea of having a boy. I always thought I'd have a girl first. Ryan was SOOOOO elated. I got there eventually too! 

We did a gender reveal with our families by having them throw darts at paint balloons. It was messy. 

Pregnancy got more fun when I stopped feeling sick and my stomach started growing a little bit! I thought I looked so pregnant when I really, really didn't. 

Looking back at the photos makes me laugh.

Thinking I needed to cover my bump lol

Then in January Ryan and I went to Mexico with his sis and brother-in-law. It was an absolute blast and my sis-in-law took some pregnancy announcement photos for us there. 

As someone who usually feels very self-conscious in a swimsuit, I felt totally confident at the beach and pool while pregnant. Something about being pregnant in the second trimester made me feel better about my body. That did NOT last through the third trimester though! 

I had a baby shower in Utah thrown by mom, my sis-in-law, mom-in-law, and step-mom. 

It was so cute and fun and I loved every second!!!

We also celebrated Ryan's 30th birthday at this time!

Cravings:

My biggest pregnancy cravings were avocado toast with a fried egg and iced coffee/diet coke. The coffee and diet coke thing killed me because CAFFEINE. I felt so guilty but I wanted it EVERY DAY. I kept my caffeine within the recommended limits of 1 cup a day but yes, I drank caffeine. The craving died immediately after River was born. I still like those things but it's not the same craving as before.

Then came the third trimester...

Weight gain, swollen feet, having to pee every 5 minutes, heart burn, etc.

It was around this time that I somewhat became checked out. It was hard for me to care what I looked like and I stopped wanting to know how much I weighed. I would dread stepping on the scale at doctor appointments. 

My work gave me another baby shower and it was so thoughtful and just beyond. 

The longer my pregnancy went on, the more weight I gained, and the more swollen my feet got. I went past my due date and spent all my time either sleeping or walking around. 

Throughout my entire pregnancy I had a high level of anxiety. I was worried about miscarriage and every other thing that could possibly go wrong. I worried that he would be unhealthy and that it would be my fault. 

He ended up being born 10 days after his due date. He was perfectly healthy and I realized all my worry was for nothing. Even though bad or hard things can happen at any time, I can't control any of it by worrying in advance. 

I was also terrified of giving birth. I didn't want to do it. And here I am; I did it. 

I feel peace now even though I still don't know what the future holds.

I had friends and family who supported me throughout my whole pregnancy. I am very grateful for that! I am lucky to have women in my life who uplift and inspire me. 

My baby River Emery Ryan Romero

Born June 2023

2:52 PM

8 lbs 9 0z

21 inches long

Perfection

I don't want to go into my whole birth story here, but I do want to say that Ryan was the best birth partner I could have possibly imagined having. He was the sweetest, most supportive, most helpful husband and I am so happy he was by my side. He held my hand the whole time and gave me strength when I needed it most.

My mom was also present at the birth to help support through the whole experience, and we had our other parents waiting close by. I also felt incredibly supported by the nurses and midwives that helped deliver River.