I Feel Too Much Nostalgia

What I know About Being Alive

Tonight I went through my childhood box, which is a large plastic bin full of old photos, school projects, journals, and drawings I collected from age 0 to about 13. I love looking through that old box. I feel a happy sadness, or a sad happiness, every time I do.

I get to go back in time to different eras, like when my parents were young and married, and my aunts and uncles were teenagers. I get to see what West Jordan looked like when many of its neighborhoods were still new developments. Looking at everybody I knew dressed in ninety's clothes is so fantastic.

I have a lock of my own hair in a bag from the year 2000. I don't know why it was saved. It must have been my first "major" haircut. My hair is a dark golden blonde, and it still feels just like normal hair. It's kind of gross but kind of cool to have. Does hair go bad?

Ryan and I were watching Ellen's standup special on Netflix while I was looking at my things. She has a moment where she talks about years ago, when she was sitting down and writing what it would be like to make a phone call to God. She didn't mean for it to be funny, but it was, and she knew it that moment that she'd do the bit on the Johnny Carson Show. Specific life events lead her to sit down and write that bit, and she has brought so much light to the world since then that it just made me think; the things she went through could not have been just a coincidence.

I believe that the things we go through happen for a reason and just as they are meant to. That belief could be argued, and I have played around with that idea in my mind many times. Some people have horrific things happen to them. Were those things always "meant" to be? I guess I don't really know, but I truly believe many things do happen because they are meant to for divine reasons. We are connected to all the humans that were, are, and will be, in the most intricate web ever woven. 

That would explain partly why I can feel nostalgia when I hear a song I've never even heard before, from a generation I wasn't a part of.

It's hard for me to accept change sometimes. I can feel sad looking at old photos when I realize life is not how it used to be. Even if life is actually better now it still makes me feel sad.

I am excited for the day that I won't be bound by time in the finite way I currently am. In the moments when I have felt like I have seen a glimpse of Heaven and God, I have sensed a timelessness and one-ness in all things.

I recently watched the movie It's A Wonderful Life for the first time. God was in that movie. It showed how important the actions each of us take on this Earth really are. We cause a ripple in the universe by existing. One quote that I felt summarized that whole idea really well was this: "Strange isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

Lava Hot Springs

This year marked our third time going up to Idaho for a mini-vacation after Christmas! I was truly looking forward to this all year long. I love Lava Hot Springs in the middle of winter. It is so quiet and still. The hot springs are magical and the Home Hotel that we stay at is quaint. We invited my mother and father in-law to come with us this year which was a fun bonus.

I got a new ring at the Trading Post store they have on Main Street that I'm very excited about, and I discovered some beautiful music that I'm mad I never listened to before. I didn't grow up listening to Bob Dylan so I am now making an active effort to listen to his songs. I found his song "Hurricane", and I listened to it five times in a row. I also listened to "When the Man Comes Around" by Johnny Cash, which I hadn't heard in a long time. I found these songs while listening to a playlist made for the documentary Rodriguez, which started with his song "Sugar Man". There is so much music to be heard and appreciated.

On the drive home Ryan was contacted by Livermore National Labs, which he accepted a job offer with last week. He set an official start date with them of August 5th. That gives us enough time to finish Ryan's Master's degree and take a trip before we make the move to California. I am so grateful and excited.

On a side note, I ate so much chocolate this week that I am actually sick of it, and I'm breaking out all over my body. I love Christmas but I am happy it is over.

Ryan bought these slippers at Walmart on our drive up because he forgot to bring sandals for the hot springs. When me and his mom were teasing him about choosing pink women's slippers to wear he said, "I love these slippers, they're freaking cute."

To New Beginnings

This has been such a beautiful year in so many ways and I am so excited for what is to come. Ryan and I have some big changes coming our way.

dot dot dot.

Hair.

My Hair goes through many changes. I like to remember the different styles I try out. I do tend to switch it up every year or two, but even when I am not sitting in a hair salon the styles I have just tend to change, slowly over time. It is one way I can know that I am always moving forward.